Sex
Who would you say are the most vulnerable people in the world?
Children? Women?
Guess who typically holds the responsibility for walking miles daily to fetch water when there is no source available?
Children and women.
When our cycling team shares about how clean water helps communities become more educated, we talk about how children can go to school instead of having to spend their days walking to and from a water source. Women are also free to earn income or take care of their homes.
But a few nights ago, I was looking at my schedule for our upcoming rides and was struck with a thought that terrified me to the core.
—-
I’ve sparsely mentioned on my blog that I was sexually abused by a pastor when I was in high school. As I went over our route, I realized something.
On this trip, I would be within miles from where the person who abused me is living.
Knowing this instantly caused me anxiety. What if I saw him at a gas station or a grocery store? How would I react? Flashbacks from years past rushed back. I felt like a vulnerable sixteen year old again.
It’s interesting how Blood:Water Mission and this particular part of my past have woven their stories together. I didn’t expect that discovering my proximity to my abuser would have such an impact on the way I thought about clean water, women, and children.
I mean, if I was a vulnerable, lower-middle class sixteen year old girl in America…what happens to vulnerable children without the protection I had?
So, I researched.
—–
It didn’t take long to discover how women and children seeking a simple place to use the restroom are often targets of sexual crime. I found this right away on the UN’s website:
1.3 billion (NOTE: BILLION!!!) women and girls in developing countries are doing without access to private, safe and sanitary toilets. In some cultural settings where basic sanitation is lacking, women and girls have to rise before dawn, making their way in the darkness to fields, railroad tracks and roadsides to defecate in the open, knowing they may risk rape or other violence in the process.
That doesn’t include the risks women and children who go alone to find clean water source may face, either. The World Health Organization says that many women are forced to have sex in order to receive clean water. Certain men will claim territory over areas of water and use that “power” over the women and children who need that water in order to survive.
—-
Even though I haven’t been able to ride every single mile on this trip, it was my goal to get a century (100 miles) ride in and Thursday, July 8, is my last chance since it’s the last century ride on the trip.
At first, attempting it was more of a personal accomplishment. I’ve ridden 80 miles before — why not finally ride the milestone of a century? But after all of these random bits and pieces from my own story and the tragic statistics from millions of others, I decided to change the focus of that ride.
I’m riding this century for the women and children who have lost had taken away from them their innocence, their hope, their sense of who they are for the unjust reason of not having clean water or a private place to use the restroom.
And I’m going to make an ask of you.
Would you help sponsor me for this ride? We raised over $5200 on my 30th birthday that went directly to Blood:Water mission and I’m going to ask you to donate again.
Can you pledge to donate $1 for every mile I ride on Thursday? Or even $0.25 for every mile? Even $.01 for every mile will give an African clean water for an entire year — every penny counts. Every penny goes to Blood:Water Mission.
The route has us going 104 miles from Little Rock, AR to Forrest City, AR, and I’ll take a before and after picture of my cycling computer and post it as soon as I have internet again so you can see how many miles I finished.
The lack of access to clean water is such a solvable problem, penny by penny. And with clean water, maybe we can help prevent innocent women and children from being taken advantage of by allowing them to stay in safe places.
Because nobody — nobody — should have to have such a beautiful part of their life stolen from them just so they can survive and provide for their families.
If you can pledge, please leave a comment and I’ll let you know how it goes as soon as I can. Or, if you’d like to simply make a donation, you can click here.
Yes…I am totally abusing the title system of blogging by using the word porn, but that’s what this video is about.
Kinda.
While I’m out on the road (and mentally processing so much right now – I’m taking some time to just listen at the moment) the world continues to spin. So, I thought I’d share something not cycling related with you.
I had the opportunity to do a video with XXXChurch.com a few months ago, and it debuted this week.
It briefly tells the story of how my addiction to porn went from online to offline, and how I’m walking through sobriety now. In my new book, I expand on this story tremendously across several essays and it’s a hope of mine that many women (and men) will find the freedom that comes with confession.
PS – (RSS and email readers, click here to view the video.)
PPS – (I’ll also be on the Joni Show this Friday discussing my journey through sexual abuse, addiction, and grace. Air times are 6:00 am, 3:30 pm, 7:30 pm & 1:00 am Central Time and you can find out where to watch by clicking here!)
=======
There has been a lot of press lately surrounding the illegal activities on Craiglist. This morning, the Today Show even had a feature clearly showing the prostitution that is readily available in their “adult” section.
(*Note: It’s PG-13 with some mildly graphic imagery)
Many people in the faith community have responded by suggesting we boycott Craigstlist.
Is that the right response? I don’t think so.
I don’t think anyone needs to boycott Craigslist. (And this is coming from me, a girl who was just in Moldova a month ago and saw girls get bought and sold right in front of her at a cafe.)
Here’s why.
- If we boycott Craigslist, we’re just making noise. Noise doesn’t do much. Noise is passive. Unless you are actually using their adult service section, they aren’t making any money on you. I go on Craigslist to sell my car or buy an ottoman. It’s a third-party trading site for most of us.
- It’s the Christian Status Quo to boycott. “They don’t say Christmas at Target! Let’s show them who’s boss!” We throw our faith around like a proud badge and try to prove our points. I’ve never seen this as a humble, loving response.
- People who don’t subscribe to the Christian faith see this as us attempting to push our beliefs on people. Should we share our beliefs with people? Sure. Share them. Nothing wrong with that. How do we do that? Read John 13:35.
- Unless something is done to help solve the problem (illegal activity), the people who are breaking the law will find another place to do it. Shutting down the adult service section of Craigslist will just make people use other sites.
Going off the basis of “how will people know we’re Christians” (as referenced in our own Bibles) it’s by love. I don’t think the action of boycotting shows love.
So what should we do?
- We should first thank Craigslist for donating some of their money to anti-trafficking organizations. Thank you.
- We should get involved in our local government and make sure they know the issues of illegal activity occurs on Craigslist. Then we should ask them to take appropriate government action (which, by the way, Craigslist is protected from liability – however, the law doesn’t cover the people breaking it).
- Find a way to support the women who feel like they need to prostitute themselves. How can we care for them?
- Ask “Is there a way faith-based organizations can partner with Craigslist to help solve this problem?” If someone came up with a brilliant solution, I bet Craigslist would be more than willing to listen.
Over and over again, I find that Christians (myself included) can be reactive and not proactive. Maybe this is an opportunity for us to actually come alongside of Craigslist and see how we can help them instead of just yelling at them.
Idealistic? Naive? Maybe.
But I have to believe it’s better than the status quo.
A few weeks ago, I was invited to be the guest on the Samson Society podcast with Nate Larkin & David Mullen.
We talked about everything from cycling across the country, to life as a former preacher’s kid, to women and porn addiction (as well as drug and alcohol abuse), confession, and living a transparent life.
Most interviews I’ve done in the past don’t dig this deep – an uncomfortable deep – but Nate and David did a fabulous job asking questions and responding with truth and grace.
You can stream or download the interview here.
After reading through my Google Reader this week, it appears writing about your ten most clicked on posts for the year is the smart blogger thing to do.
Anyway, I thought I’d see what my top ten blog posts were of 2009 and interestingly enough, a trend emerged.
Here they are:
10. This video I did on porn addiction.
9. The Stigma of Bipolar Disorder
8. Results to a survey on modesty and dressing sexy
7. A video of Mike Foster and I sharing a message about sex at Community Christian Church in Chicago.
6. The announcement that I was going to fast from social media for Lent
5. The Death Notice of my personal Facebook Account
4. An old post about emotional affairs
3. The question asking “What’s one thing you can’t say in church?”
2. Can girls be porn addicts too?
Wow.
We certainly have a lot of questions about sex. And social media. And more sex. And sex. And mental health.
I went to see what words people would search for that would bring them to this site – to our conversations.
Sure, I wrote the posts…but you contributed so much value to the message.
People searched for:
addicted to porn, questioning God, is being gay a sin, girls addicted to porn, female porn addiction, women addicted to porn, emotional affair, depression
At first glance, it kind of sounds depressing. And dirty.
But I don’t think it is.
What makes me thrilled is that the amount of views just these ten posts and their comments have had over the last year has helped around 50,000 people realize they are not alone.
They are not alone.
And neither are you.
And as we close out this year, I’d place my money on the fact you know someone that might need to read one of these posts.
So there they are – easy to find, easy to share.
We.
Are.
Not.
Alone.
