I have been working on writing this post for a few days now, and somehow (probably due to late-night blogging) it accidentally was published yesterday. I took it down about an hour after it went up, because it wasn’t ready yet…but a surprising number of people responded in that short time frame.

I decided to re-post it after editing it a little bit more. Sorry for any confusion this may have caused!

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Some people have termed FlowerDust.net an “uber” blog.

I don’t exactly know what that means.

If it means it’s been around for five years, and has a good number of visitors, then yes, I suppose you can call it that.

Over the last two years, it’s been interesting to see how my blog traffic has changed with the seasons.

If I ask questions about sexuality, or talk about controversial church issues, my stats light up.

If I talk about what the Bible says about taking care of the poor, or share stories from trips I’ve taken (Haiti, India, Uganda – soon to be Moldova and Russia), my stats tank.

Here’s an example of pre-Haiti trip stats and post-Haiti trip stats.

At first, this made me really sad.

And then the sadness turned into a weird kind of angryness. (Angriness? Angry-ness? Is that even a word?)

Anyway, I don’t really ever get angry.

So that was strange for me.

With the assumption this blog has also been categorized as a “church” blog (whatever that means) why do the posts that should be resonating with us the deepest get a third of the traffic?

Angry feelings.

More angry feelings.

Deep breath.

Deep breath.

Then I realized something.

I would much rather have a small group of people who really, really cared than a large group of people who just showed up to just show up.

I don’t want to be a “church” blog, in the sense that we talk about the stupid stuff that nobody agrees on. That’s not what this blog is designed to be.

I want to be a “church” blog in the sense that we’re a community that cares for those overlooked.

You know…like…how the church is supposed to be.

If that means my stats suck and the “uber” blogstar label gets removed, so be it.

I’d choose a hundred readers with big hearts and the action to back it up any day of the week over a million readers who change the channel when it gets uncomfortable to watch.

I have a quick question for you.

Technically two.

And it will take you five seconds to answer.

Ten seconds, tops…if you’re a slow typist. :)

Are you male or female?

And what’s your age?

(For disclosure – I’m a female, just in case the ultra feminine “FlowerDust” didn’t give it away…and I’m about (gasp) to (gasp) be (gasp) thirty years old next month.)

Several months ago, Leadership Network and Catalyst did an online event called “The Nines” where they asked 70+ leaders to make a quick video focusing on one message they had for other leaders.

I felt the pressure to perform and planned up a fancy talk that would wow and amaze the thousands watching.

However, something happened when I woke up to tape my talk. It was this gut feeling that I should just roll out of bed and talk about something I’m wrestling with: finding my identity in the way I want to be perceived, my platform, knowledge, etc., and not who I am in Christ.

(You can watch that video here if you’d like).

The point of this is, how I am perceived is still a huge problem for me. I hire people to take professional pictures of me. I want my hair to look good. I want how I look to be memorable because in a deep, dark part of my heart, there’s a part of me that wants to be affirmed and famous.

I hate that part of my heart, but it’s there. I hate it. I fight it. I hate it.

Because of the response the Nines video received, I decided to do a spin off of it and made a video of me going from made up to to made down. Pulled the hair back, took all the make up off.

My face is bare.

Red, and blotchy.

No fun eyeshadow.

The circles under my eyes are begging to be stared at.

For men, I understand it may be different. One guy wrote in saying he shaved his beard after watching the first video because he was using that as a mask. For women, we do put a lot of time and energy into our appearance, and please hear me — that’s not a bad thing!

It’s when it becomes our focus, when we use that as a mask to pretend to be somebody we’re not or because we want to be perceived as something else, that’s when it becomes an issue.

I hope that in some way, you’ll also be inspired to lose the mask. Whether it’s with how you look, how you act, or how you want to be perceived. A 30 second video isn’t the magic pill that fixes my heart, but it’s a step to letting down my guard and exposing my heart — the good and the bad — to at least this tiny part of the Internets.

Have a great weekend.

Just.

Be.

Yourself.

Yes, there are strategies. There are things like telling good stories, and being practical. A nice blog layout never hurt anyone.

But without being yourself, your blog will never be the best it can be.

Some define excellence as near-perfection.

I like to define excellent as doing the best you can with what you have.

So, make it honest.

Be engaging.

Make it thoughtful.

Be kind, and truthful.

And above everything else, show love.

It’s been a while since I did a post where you guys ask me any question, and I’ll do my best to answer. The questions can be about writing, speaking, life, spirituality, or why possums die under my house.

A few ground rules:

• I don’t mind talking about theology, but I won’t argue. There are very smart people who can debate both sides of major theological issues well, and if they can’t agree, chances are we won’t be able to figure out the answers in this format.
• I also don’t mind discussing politics, but again, I won’t argue. There are also some very polarizing issues on which I won’t voice my opinion publicly. If you ask one of these questions, I’ll let you know by politely declining to answer. :)
• There are several of my frequently asked questions on the FAQ page of FlowerDust.net. You might want to check and see if your answer has already been given there.

I’ll be checking these throughout the upcoming days to respond to as many as I can, and maybe pull out some interesting conversations for a future blog post.

You ask – I’ll answer! Go!

My “theme” for 2009 was “Listen More, Talk Less.”

For this year, it’s “We Are Not Alone.”

Sometimes, I fail at living up to my theme’s implications, but it’s something I try and keep in the forefront of my mind when I make decisions about my career in writing and with my relationships.

Since this is the first post of 2010, I’d like to combine the themes and ask you two quick questions. If you feel the need to leave an anonymous comment, please take that liberty.

What kinds of topics do you want us to discuss on FlowerDust.net this year?

In what areas of life do you feel most alone?

I’ll go first in the comments and share what’s on my heart. Hope to see you there.

After reading through my Google Reader this week, it appears writing about your ten most clicked on posts for the year is the smart blogger thing to do.

Anyway, I thought I’d see what my top ten blog posts were of 2009 and interestingly enough, a trend emerged.

Here they are:

10. This video I did on porn addiction.

9. The Stigma of Bipolar Disorder

8. Results to a survey on modesty and dressing sexy

7. A video of Mike Foster and I sharing a message about sex at Community Christian Church in Chicago.

6. The announcement that I was going to fast from social media for Lent

5. The Death Notice of my personal Facebook Account

4. An old post about emotional affairs

3. The question asking “What’s one thing you can’t say in church?”

2. Can girls be porn addicts too?

1. Why is being gay a sin?

Wow.

We certainly have a lot of questions about sex. And social media. And more sex. And sex. And mental health.

I went to see what words people would search for that would bring them to this site – to our conversations.

Sure, I wrote the posts…but you contributed so much value to the message.

People searched for:

addicted to porn, questioning God, is being gay a sin, girls addicted to porn, female porn addiction, women addicted to porn, emotional affair, depression

At first glance, it kind of sounds depressing. And dirty.

But I don’t think it is.

What makes me thrilled is that the amount of views just these ten posts and their comments have had over the last year has helped around 50,000 people realize they are not alone.

They are not alone.

And neither are you.

And as we close out this year, I’d place my money on the fact you know someone that might need to read one of these posts.

So there they are – easy to find, easy to share.

We.

Are.

Not.

Alone.

Ok, so the notion of Facebook’s “Fan Page” is kind of pretentious when it comes to a little blogger-author girl who may or may not have stayed in her pajamas all day yesterday and watched reruns of The Office.

Not that that’s me…but I’m just sayin’…(ahem).

Anyway, since I don’t have a personal Facebook page, my dear friend Crystal created a Fan Page for me on Facebook so I can post events and other updates and I would love for you to join it. I will be interacting in the comments section on the wall and posting pictures and videos, so it would be great to see you there.

You can join my page on Facebook by clicking here!

Thanks for reading, sharing your thoughts and lives, and for being a part of this conversation over the last four years…Here’s to a great 2010!

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PS – If you join my page on Facebook, leave a comment on THIS post and you’ll be entered to win another 25 books. Yep, I’ll be giving away an ADDITIONAL 25 books to people who have joined the fan page! Join by 12/30 to enter and the winner will be randomly drawn!

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Over the last year, I’ve attained about 250 books from publishers, aspiring authors, friends, enemies, and/or have been given duplicate books at conferences, churches I’ve visited, or found in the trunk of my car.

To give you a little perspective on why this is a dilemma, Chris and I live in an 800 square foot, three room cottage. There’s the living room/office/bike room, the bedroom, and the kitchen/dining room/utility room. (Oh, and the bathroom too, I suppose).

Any space we could have possibly mounted bookshelves is consumed and overflowing with books and it’s getting to the point where they are stacked on our desks and on our floor and in our ottoman and under our coffee table.

You get the point.

So, I’d like to giveaway 25 books. Maybe more. But at least 25. I’m not sure which books yet, but more than likely there will be some ministry books, some general leadership books, and a few fiction books in the mix. There will be some well known authors and some hidden gems as well.

You do not have to pay for shipping  (although a prayer for a miracle on me finding the money to ship them will be nice!), all you have to do is enter to win.

How to win:

1) Tweet a link to this giveaway (http://bit.ly/7L382T)

2) Leave me a comment telling me you’ve tweeted and your twitter name

3) If you’re not on Twitter, post it somewhere…your blog, or your Facebook, or email a friend, and just leave me a comment letting me know you’ve spread the word!

And you’ll be entered to win!

You can tweet as many times as you’d like, as many times a day, but make sure you leave a comment for each tweet so your chances to win are increased since we’ll be choosing the winner from the comments.

The contest will close on 12/30/09 at 8 am CST.

Ready, steady, go!

Oh, where to begin!

There are so many things I adore about Seth Godin (and I know many of you feel the same), but one thing I love most is his ability to collaborate and communicate in quick, memorable ways. He cuts through the junk and leaves you with a thought that will leave you thinking for days (if not months years indefinitely).

Seth released a free (of course!) eBook today with 72 brief (about 200 words each) and meaningful snapshots from people all over the world, including one from yours truly, asking us to share a few words on what matters now.

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My little snippet is on page 6, and is titled Fear. Because I think so often that fear stops us dead in our tracks.

How do we move forward when all we hear is fear filling us up with impossibility?

Some of my favorite contributors to this project are Seth Godin, Elizabeth Gilbert, Jessica Hagy, Jacqueline Novogratz, Howard Mann, Michael Hyatt, Steven Pressfield, Megan Casey, Merlin Mann, Penelope Trunk, Arianna Huffington, and Dan Roam (and many others – these were just a handful!)

What Matters Now is totally free, totally inspiring, and the time you spend reading through it will definitely be the best fifteen minutes of your day.

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Just click the image below to download your copy (and share it with a friend or two or forty-seven).

And, since we’re all about free downloads today, I thought I’d also point you in the direction of two free downloads from my first book Mad Church Disease, and a free excerpt from my forthcoming book, Permission to Speak Freely.

• Chapter 3 from Mad Church Disease – Internal Risk Factors
• Chapter 11 from Mad Church Disease – Processing through Pain
• The prologue to Permission to Speak Freely – Meet Fear (where my blurb in Seth’s eBook was adapted from).

Happy free reading Monday! :)

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