Yesterday, you found out about my trip to Moldova and Russia. So, as you’re reading this on Tuesday, I’m probably still traveling or getting settled somewhere. Knowing that I’d be away from the internet ahead of time, I asked my friend Josh Maisner to guest blog today.

First, a little history lesson on Josh.

In January, I was speaking at Belmont University. After my talk, I had an amazing conversation with a senior named Josh. He knew I was going to Haiti, and he was going to be going shortly after I was, so we talked a bit about it. In February, I returned from Haiti, and in March, Josh returned from Haiti. A week ago, over frozen yogurt, for two hours we talked about a million different things. Things like Haiti, and…well, things like pancakes.

Josh told me about an experience he had one night here in Nashville last winter – the night before first semester finals. And I told him you guys had to hear it.

So here’s Josh. And here’s a story about what happens when you stuff a jeep full of pancakes.

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Nashville had an uncharacteristically cold winter this year, and the night before finals was no exception.

Every year at my university we take a break from studying on ‘Dead Day’ and head to the cafeteria and enjoy some golden pancakes; for free! You spend all day cramming and stressing over those first few finals, but there’s something about pancakes that just makes the world a little better.

For a few moments, as that sweet, buttery piece of joy touches your lips; you can stop and forget about tomorrow’s problems.

As the event wrapped up, I found myself one of the last people still there talking away, when something caught my eye.

Bags and bags of hot pancakes were being taken out of the warmer and thrown away. Hundreds of pancakes were about to go to pancake heaven in a dumpster, and all I could think of was how many people were shivering in the cold on the streets of our city wishing they had a hot meal.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the women throwing them away. You can imagine the look on her face as a 22 year old asks her to let him have ALL the pancakes! I told her I wanted to make some deliveries to those fighting the cold tonight on our streets…the homeless.

Maybe some hot pancakes would afford them a momentary sweet escape from the cold.

Due to the crunch time of finals nobody was around to help me hand out these pancakes, so I set off rogue, in my Jeep full of pancakes, to the streets of downtown Nashville.

Within minutes I was out of my Jeep walking around to those huddled by bus stops, in doorways, and wandering the streets…bags of pancakes in hand. I’d give what I had in my hands away, hop back in the new “pancake mobile” and get on with my mission. If they were walking as I was driving, with windows rolled down and said yes when I asked if they were hungry, I was pulled over in a second and brought them some pancakes!

That night as I listened to so many different stories I began to experience something incredible. Jesus says, “What you do unto the least of these, you do unto Me.”

Looking into the eyes of each person as I gave them away I began to see with a new perspective. It was incredibly simple, but beautiful at the same time; as I handed out food to these strangers…

I realized I was handing out pancakes to Jesus.

On July 1, 2010,  I’m leaving the streets of Nashville with everything that I own held in a 50lb backpack to meet Jesus around the world. I will be a full time missionary on The World Race traveling to eleven different countries over eleven months working with impoverished children, human trafficking victims, and those who have been cast aside.

My travels will take me back to Haiti, to once again work with those devastated by the earthquake, then on to The Dominican Republic, Romania, Turkey, Mozambique, Malawi, another country in Africa, China, Thailand, Cambodia, and the Philippines.

It’s a life I never imagined for myself and only God could have planned; but then again, what do I know anyway?

I invite you to follow my journey on my blog where you can read the stories and see the faces of those I meet who are need around the world.

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So, you can see why I think Josh is my new hero.

What Josh doesn’t say that I will say is that for him to do this trip costs $15,000. That covers his travel and meals and all his expenses for the trip. Also what Josh doesn’t say is he needs to raise $11,885 to have his trip covered. And the dude leaves in a couple of months. From talking to Josh, it’s not like he hasn’t been trying to raise support. Trust me. He’s been working his freaking tail off both at work and doing fund raising.

And you know what? He didn’t ask me to do this for him.

But here’s my schtick.

Because it’s my blog and I’m allowed to have a schtick.

Help Josh raise they money he needs for this trip.

You just gotta click here.

I look at Josh and see a guy who is eight years (gasp) younger than I am.

When I was 22, I was getting sober and trying to start my life over. I didn’t give a second thought to poverty…I just wanted to keep my sports car from getting repossessed.

If this is Josh at 22…who will Josh be when he’s 30? What will eight years of growth do to an already open, adventurous, compassionate heart?

Invest in him.

We have.

I can honestly say the return will be immeasurable.

People who know me well would call me a little bit compulsive.

I take that as a compliment.

I know everybody has their quirks, and one of mine just happens to be finishing things. I love making lists. I love marking things off lists. I’ll even put something on a list that I’ve completed just so I can mark it off. I can’t stand for the shower curtain to be open, the front door to be unlocked, or things to be crooked.

Things must be finished.

There is a Point A.

There is a Point B.

When life gets stuck between the two, I go a little bit crazy.

Most of you probably read my first blog post about Haiti. You read my Point A.

You read some of the in between.

But even though I’ve been home for two weeks, I haven’t landed at Point B.

I haven’t been able to sign off on the bottom of my trip and file it away in my “Life Experience” folder.

It unfinished, and it’s driving me crazy.

There are so many emotions to sort through, and some of them aren’t pretty.? There are emotions I don’t want to write about publicly on a blog because I don’t want to seem like a jackass…or vulnerable.

…Like the anger I’m feeling toward the lack of relief happening on the ground.

…The pride (fueled by frustration) I feel when I talk to someone who’s already moved on and forgotten about it since they wrote a check a month ago.

…I fight back tears wondering how my friend Jean is, with his newborn baby and family of nine. Did they find adequate shelter before it rained? Are they safe?

…I feel guilty knowing how much my cat’s food costs and how that could feed a family for a week in Haiti.

…I feel confused because I wonder how the Haitians can have so much strength, hope and determination when they have been ignored for so long, and are still being ignored by most. Why do I get pissed just because my prescription medicine isn’t ready when they said it would be?

I’ve done everything I can to complete my “process.” I’ve gone for long drives with good music. I’ve taken naps (I promise — sleep helps me process!). I’ve exercised. I’ve stared out my window in my living room at the big trees in my backyard. I’ve prayed. I’ve read. I’ve talked to friends. I’ve talked to strangers.

And yet I remain stuck, somewhere between my heart and my head and Haiti.

This experience, for me, is unfinished.

That is the only conclusion I can make after two weeks of trying to figure it all out. As I spoke to my friend today about this predicament, I can’t help but wonder if it’s supposed to be unfinished.

Maybe Haiti isn’t an experience I can file away like I have other trips. Maybe the stories don’t just become stories I share about in a book or on a stage or on a blog, but they are stories that actually shift my DNA. Maybe God’s slowly rewiring me, bringing me in alignment with his heart for the poor.

Which by all means, I thought I had already figured out. People pay me to talk about God’s heart for the poor. That qualifies me as an expert, right?

(Just goes to show…)

I leave you with no grandiose words of enlightenment.

No resolution.

Only this verse, that I was reminded of today by a sign at an old Presbyterian church by my house.

“Return to me with all your heart…” (Joel 2:12)

I’m not sure what the next step looks like — to return to God with all my heart. I didn’t know I had gone off track, and you know what? Maybe I haven’t. Maybe it’s the “all your heart” part that I need to keep in mind.

There’s something about connecting to the forgotten, the oppressed, and the overlooked that connects us to the very heart of God. Jesus talks about it in Matthew 25.

May we not forget Haiti and in that, not stray far from our Father’s heart. May we be generous with the money we send, but realize our hands and feet are needed on the ground as well. May we not become fatigued and apathetic because the need is so great, fully knowing we serve a God who is more than capable to do so much through us.

And may we return to God with every part of our hearts…not just the easy pieces we can understand or logically process. May we let the tension and the uncomfortable sense of being overwhelmed take us over, so that we can see redemption in it’s purest light. May we realize we are all poor and we are all in need of rescue.

—

PS: (EDIT: This trip has been postponed…I’ll still be going back. Just not next week.)

An interesting twist to this story has emerged. As I was in the middle of writing this post, I was asked to return to Haiti next week for a few days. (More on that next week.)

At first, I said yes, hoping that it would provide the resolution I need.

Instead, I’m going fully knowing that the story will likely become even more unraveled, and less complete, and hopefully that will guide me – and all my heart – more closely to the heart of God.

As unfinished as it may remain, I’m going to try to be okay with that.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to share about Compassion International at a church in Virginia. The Sunday I spoke was just three days after I returned from Haiti. One of the things I shared was about how we can’t wait for the government to help Haiti. We have to help now.

When we were there, the relief effort we saw happening was minimum. I can count on one — maybe two — hands how many relief trucks we saw.

And I can count on one finger how many UN food lines we encountered.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I realize there is relief work happening in Haiti. And yes, even some via various government agencies.

However, I can tell you from my firsthand (yet admittedly unprofessional) experience the most efficient way aid is getting to the people who need it the most is through organizations that don’t have to work their way through the mysterious and convoluted bureaucracy that’s at the airport, where aid is being delegated.

That is where Compassion International comes in. If you’ve been around my blog any given length you’ll know my heart beats for the mission of Compassion.

Because Compassion was on the ground, assisting children, families, and communities through local churches in Haiti before the earthquake happened, they already have the infrastructure in place that guarantees the money that is being donated is going directly where it needs to go, without it taking a long detour around various government and non-government organizations.

It goes from your wallet, to their headquarters in Colorado Springs, to their national office in Haiti, where it is then distributed through a time-tested and culturally proven system to help release children from poverty.

Why am I pushing this now?

Because there is an amazing event called Help Haiti Live in Nashville tonight (Saturday, February 27) benefiting Compassion’s work in Haiti. It’s at 7:30 pm CST and if you can make it, you can still get tickets for the actual concert.

If you can’t make it, you can watch it online for free here.

Yes, watch it online for free.

But be generous in your donation.

Be confident with it also. Because I can personally assure you that it won’t get tied up in red tape.

We can’t wait for the government to fix Haiti. We can’t wait for the millions of dollars of supplies to reach people who haven’t eaten for a month and a half. We are charged both Scripturally (and morally, if you don’t subscribe to a Christian faith) to care for mankind.

Don’t wait.

I’ve seen it with my own eyes and touched it with my own two hands.

Haiti can’t afford for you to not step up now.

I realize the blog has been quiet lately.

This is partially due to the fact that after I returned from Haiti, I hopped a plane to the DC area for a few days.

It’s also partially due to the fact that upon landing in Nashville on Tuesday, I was punched in the face with a pretty rotten cold, and have spent the last two days on my couch in my pajamas watching a pile of Redbox movies and surrounding myself with piles of Kleenex.

As I was cleaning out my Google Reader, I came across this post by my friend Marko, who was in Haiti with me.

Because of the intensity we experienced in Haiti, we found opportunities to release some of the tension by, well…I’ll let you watch this video of Adam as he guarded the groceries we had purchased for Camp Marassa.

Please do not eat or drink anything as you watch the following video.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

This is what happens when you are the only girl on an international trip with a bunch of youth guys.

And I wouldn’t change it for the world. :)

(Click here if you don’t see the embedded video.)

Today we begin our journey back to the States.

Because the airport in Port-au-Prince is closed for commercial flights, we are driving the five (read: nine) hour drive back through the Dominican Republic to Santo Domingo, where we will be staying tonight. We fly back to Miami, and then to our respective homes on Wednesday.

However, this story does not end.

When I went to Uganda, it took me a month or two to process what I experienced and how it changed me in the context of my life in America. We quit our jobs and moved to Nashville.

When I went to India, it was a little bit different. I connected on a deeper level with my Compassion child and his father, and that has changed my heart.

However, Haiti has been more like Uganda because it has changed me in a completely different way. It has motivated me to become more active in our political systems to ensure aid is delivered when people need it.

How this looks like in my life? I have no idea.

I’m also thinking about how to engage this “blog family” into Haiti. For some reason, it seems like so many of you connected with the stories we were telling maybe even a bit more than other trips I have taken.

As I said before, what we need is real people on the ground who are courageous, compassionate, and willing to pray for people and help distribute supplies. Maybe help rebuild and clean up.

So, the story will continue. The end of our trip is not the end of our mission.

While we are traveling, I may not be able to post again until I’m home on Wednesday or Thursday. I can’t express how grateful I am for your prayers and support as you have shared the story of such a hopeful and messy and redemptive story.

—

I encourage you to check out my trip mates — my brothers — that have been with me since the beginning. We bonded so well and supported each other and sacrificed for each other.

Yes, I was the only girl.

But they treated me just like one of the guys.

And that too will take some processing.

And quite possibly therapy.

Read their blogs, and hear their stories from the trip.

Rhett “The Only One I Knew” Smith (Twitter)

Lars “Has a 39 year old body” Rood (Twitter)

Jeremy “Abercrombie” Zach (You pronounce it ZOCK!) (Twitter)

THE “Walking Evangecube” Marko

Adam “Does Not Live in a Basement” McLane (Twitter)

Chef & Chief Seth Barnes (Twitter)

Ian “The Boy in the Hole” Robertson (Twitter)

Tim “Are You Like Hitler?” Schmoyer (Twitter)

Clint “PREACH IT” Bokelman

A variety of media, videos, pictures, and thoughts can also be found on the Facebook Page.

Thank you again.

Love you guys.