When I turned twenty, I was your typical former pastor’s kid living in rebellion – alcohol, clubs, bands, and a peer group nobody’s parents would approve of. Two months before my twentieth birthday, I had just ended a long term relationship – a month before we were supposed to get married.
It was rough. I remember returning home the night of my twentieth birthday after having friends visiting throughout the week. My apartment door was wide open and nobody was inside. Littered on the floor were liquor bottles and pizza boxes. It took me three trips to the shared dumpster to empty out all the trash.
Exhausted, I collapsed in my bed and cried myself to sleep.
I was alone.
I was twenty.
And I needed to grow up.
As I drifted off, I wondered what the week leading up to my thirtieth birthday would look like. Would I be married? Would I still be living in Dallas and working at an upscale internet company with an incredible salary?
Would my stupid friends be more thoughtful and not trash my apartment on my birthday?
Maybe I would take a trip to somewhere romantic when I turned thirty – like Paris or Rome or Madrid.
An exotic trip to ring in my thirties…Now that sounded like a good plan.
—
Ten years later, here I am. I turn thirty next Friday, and the last decade has been filled with a million lifetimes. I sobered up. Moved around and now live in Nashville. I got married. Lost and found my faith a few times. Became a self-employed author with state-provided health care and no stock options. I traveled to Uganda. Then the Dominican. Then India.
And because of the beautiful people I’ve met along the way, I’ve made a promise to tell the stories of people living with nothing to people living with everything.
These two contrasting worlds need to collide. Because oftentimes, we confuse what having nothing and having everything look like.
Ten years later, here I am. And I’m taking a trip for my thirtieth birthday.
But instead of some idyllic European destination, I’m headed to Haiti.
Following the recent earthquake, I felt numb.? It had been a long time since I had been angry at God, and do I dare even say doubt his sovereignty, but that’s where my heart teetered for the first week.
It seemed hopeless.
Sometimes, it still seems hopeless.
A few weeks ago, I was invited to help out in Haiti with an organization called Adventures in Missions. They’ve been on the island of Hispaniola for years and have been working through local churches there long before the earthquake.
Without a doubt, I knew I needed to go. Every obstacle in my way divinely disappeared, and I have to believe God’s been preparing me for this for a long time.
I said yes. And so I’ll be in Haiti until February 17th – just two days before my thirtieth birthday.
I realize it’s an honor to be able to serve in such a unique way, but there are bits and pieces of me that want nothing more than to stay home.
Quite honestly, I’m terrified.
If I think about it too long, or watch too much CNN, it just paralyzes me.
However, I’ve vowed that when fear, or comfort, or some other little obstacle contrary to the Kingdom pops in my head the correct response is to do the exact opposite.
Fear says, ?Haiti is dangerous. You have to take those malaria pills that make your stomach hurt and what if there?s another earthquake while you?re there? What if you get shot at? ? and Comfort says, ?You won?t have your choice of firm or soft pillows and it’s gonna smell like the rotting stench of death. You will see dead bodies. And you’ve never seen a real dead body before.?
The people of Haiti didn?t plan to have their lives destroyed a few weeks ago.
This is a whole new part of their story.
As I spoke to my friend a couple of days ago when we were working on some of the details of the trip, we realized Haiti is never going to be restored.
Haiti is going to be reborn.
It has to be.
And we all get to be a part of that story ? whether it?s by donating money or supplies or by getting on a plane at some point to help out using whatever skills you have.
I?m grateful that it?s not only Haiti?s story, and it?s not only yours and mine, either.
I have to believe that this is a story of a sovereign God who has a plan and purpose beyond anything we can imagine. And I?m grateful his breath is woven through each and every letter of each and every word of this new story as it is being written.
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(To read all Anne’s posts from Haiti, click here. You can also follow her on Twitter for updates from on the ground. The whole team can be found here on Facebook.)
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God bless you on your journey to Haiti and on your birthday. I know that the angels danced on the day you were born.
Blessings on your journey… what an amazing gift you are sharing with the Haitian community for your 30th birthday. God bless
I love your heart, Anne, and I loved how you ended this. If there’s anyone that can turn a bad situation around and make it better, it’s God.
Anne, I couldn’t be more stoked for you because I know your heart for stories and I know your heart for truth. I’m praying for you, girl.
Elora?s last blog ..verge
Sounds like the past 10 years have been a great journey. May He fill you with peace and bless yours and so many others efforts in serving the people of Haiti. It would be wonderful to see little glimpses of heaven revealed in that land as enormous needs are met and a society is rebuilt.
almost an M?s last blog ..Really?
Wow talk about perspective. I think it’s awesome that you are reflecting on the journey of life as you take a journey to Haiti to help there. Haven a blessed time!
Be praying for you on your trip. Grateful that you’re going.
Danny Bixby?s last blog ..Review: Sex, Lies & Religion by Randy Elrod
Wish I was going with you. I keep petitioning God for that chance, and so far, He’s not relented. I guess I’m supposed to stay here and push others.
Our missions guy is there. Has been since the 14th of January. He and others have been through the areas where the guns are visible — and no problems. Be confident. You know Who is sending you. (And if you need a body guard, let me know, I’ll call Greg!)
Main thing — do what you do best, love well. The people there need that right now. They need to see Jesus and you do that so well.
Faye?s last blog ..Charity Disparity
This post is such an encouragement. As a 20 year old, i often wonder what my life will be at 30, and hearing you (a hero of mine) talk about wondering the same thing, and then seeing your life being played out at 30- is truly inspiring.
I will be praying for you as you continue on the journey our sovereign God has for you. Haiti will be life changing for you. I am excited to see what God is going to do.
Thanks again for being a willing vessel. God has used you in my life in ways words cant describe to not only encourage me, but to inspire.
I love this, Anne.
Especially about being reborn. God’s given you a heart for the “forgotten” people of the world. Thank you for helping us remember.
And Happy Birthday.
30 is much better than 20. =)
Sarah Markley?s last blog ..Four Still Isn?t Old Enough
Wait till you guys hit 40, it rocks!
Faye?s last blog ..Charity Disparity
Your honesty and bravery continue to inspire me to be a better person. I am praying for you on this journey and as you embrace your 30′s!! There will be good times ahead!
Just saw from the Livesays blog that Anderson Cooper is back in Haiti. He couldn’t stay away. I know he’s been to war torn/dangerous areas before. However, I have a feeling that once you conquer this trip, and your feet are back on TN soil, you’ll be hankerin to go back to Haiti too. I got a feelin…
You can do this thing girl. Praying God shows up and shows off just for you!
Great post Anne. I’m so excited to follow along with you on this trip and see how God uses you to open our eyes.
Like you, I believe that this is just the beginning of something amazing God is going to do in this impoverished country. It’s amazing how God brings beauty from the ashes.
Praying for you girl…
Brad Ruggles?s last blog ..I Can Has Cameraz?
You, my dear, are a beautiful work in progress. May God continue to bless you and others through you, as you trust in Him.
Anne,
You are defintely in our prayers as you make this journey. Fear and comfort tend to take the joy and meaning out of the adventure of joining God’s Grand Narrative. Joining in the suffering and pain is what being the body of Christ, broken and poured out, is about.
Grace and Peace,
The Watsons
Amen, sister. Looking forward to following your trip and journey to Haiti. Praying you guys will be the hands and feet of Jesus to those hurting people…
I wondered the same thing and ended up in Beijing, China on a mission trip when I turned 30…I will be celebrating my 31st birthday in China also next month since God called me back here for an extended stay. It is amazing the journey He takes us on and often unexpected.
Blessings on you~
Katherine?s last blog ..Go East, Young Woman?
What a contrast between how you spent your 20th birthday and how you’ll spend this one! Praying for you as you prepare for your journey and I hope you have a wonderful birthday!
Melissa?s last blog ..Whisper
I’m praying for you, as you go, that you will be able to leave your fears behind. And grateful for you, as you return, that you’ll be bringing the story of Haiti with you.
And…I know I’m a missionary and everything, but, YOUR heart for humanity inspires me. So, thank you.
Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary?s last blog ..The best gift… Ever.
God’s love is greater than all the evil in the world (of which He has no part–James 1:13-17). We just need to learn how to access His love, share it with others, and overcome evil. As you do share God’s love with those in Haiti, be strong and of good cheer. We are backing you with our prayers.
wow, amazing what happens over 10 years time.
Or for that matter, 10 months time.
I think the hardest thing for me is not focusing on where I will be in 10 months and cannot wait to get there but staying in the moment of where I am now and learning.
Seeing how God has prepared you for this trip over 10 years time is awesome and I feel that God has done the same for myself. Preparing me for things through events and learning from mistakes.
What an incredible post! I totally agree that Haiti must be re-born. This nation needs new foundations. a new start. And what a contrast between your 20th birthday and your 30th. There is HOPE for newness of life. God gave you HOPE. Now you can help bring HIS HOPE to these precious people.
GOD bless you as you go.
Ann
Ann Dunagan?s last blog ..FREE Guide: Have a MISSION-MINDED 2010
“Haiti is going to reborn… it has to be.” I love that. Amen. Thanks for going, Anne. Thanks for being brave.
Jeff Goins?s last blog ..Are There Movies In Heaven?
I was able to take a group of 25 high schoolers and leaders to Washington D.C. last summer on a missions trip with Adventures in Missions. They are a great organization! We also had Lanny Richardson, who works for the organization, come up and speak at our youth retreat. He is an unbelievable man and he really spoke into my life and impacted me greatly. I know he is in Haiti right now as well. I will be praying for you Anne that God will speak to you and reveal Himself to you while you are in Haiti.
My 30s were the beginning of freedom for me. Amazing years are ahead of you Anne! Rock on!
Carole Turner?s last blog ..Finger Nail Droppings, The Story of My Life
Consider how many times God told Joshua “be strong and courageous” before entering the Promised Land. I forget the exact count right now, but it seemed like every other sentence contained that phrase.
The people in Haiti, and the people still connected to Haiti by family ties, are doing their best to be strong and courageous, but even weeks after the initial hit, the fate of many is still up in the air. Those who survive there are just barely doing that.
It’s obvious, Anne, that you have been called to help bring strength & courage to the people in Haiti during this time. But now it’s time to make sure you have God’s strength and courage with you … after all, you can’t share what you don’t have.
So be strong and courageous, Anne. The Lord is with you, and whatever He has you do in Haiti will bring Him glory. Nope, it won’t be comfortable. Nope, it won’t be without fear.
Huh?
Aren’t courage and fear contrary to each other?
No!
Courage is doing what God has told you to do in spite of the fear! That’s what He has brought me over the past few months.
So keep on being strong & courageous, Anne. The Lord is with you.
And I look forward to e-celebrating your 30th when you get back. :)
Joe Sewell?s last blog ..Scared for Nothing!
I’m always fascinated with God’s timing, His plans. His ways surely aren’t ours, are they …
He has a mission for you. Thank you for obeying Him – and for encouraging us to listen up to His voice, too.
God knows we need a wake-up call …
Anne,
Don’t you love it when God wrecks the plans you’ve made for you life and in their places hands you something infinataly more beautiful? He didn’t just save you “from” your addictions, He saved you “for” Haiti. So you could bring hope to His precious people. Beautiful.
Keep us updated!
Wow, I am turning
30old this Friday, and my age 20 was very similar to yours. Its amazing how far God has brought me out of that. It was not instantaneous by any means and I am quite certain I am nowhere near “arriving.”“I?ve made a promise to tell the stories of people living with nothing to people living with everything.”
That is an awesome ambition and I hope you get to do that for years to come. People (especially Christians) need to be more concerned with poverty and the “least of these” rather than political or church related issues. I envy you that you are in a position to go and help in person, but know that I and many others will be praying for you and can’t wait to read the stories you will tell.
Apparently html doesn’t work on your comments… 30 was supposed to have strikethrough, but oh well.
Isn’t it amazing how God uses us as His feet to travel, His hands to build, His arms to embrace. You have a unique opportunity to make a great impact on others with love.
Kristine McGuire?s last blog ..No Terror By Night
Our Beloved Anne,
Day after day– week after week… you have won your way into our hearts forever. Looking forward to that day– that we will meet you in that far away country….face to face.
Anne…
Awesome! What a privilege to serve God in that capacity. You will bless, and be blessed. I think it is easy to say that we all look forward to hearing about your journey.
On that note, you mentioned on Twitter that your Haiti blogs don’t get hit much. That is a bummer…but remember…who ISN’T talking about Haiti now? Everyone is. Not saying it is right or wrong to ignore a blog on it…but we are inundated by it from all angels. You know what we are not inundated with? People who talk about the crazy church stuff. In fact, there are FEW who do and the fact that you get so many hits just tells you what people are hungry for. We are not moved by what we know, but what we feel. Easy to have a myriad of feelings about church. More difficult to have the same feelings for a situation you feel so far removed from, and helpless to. Not a good excuse AT ALL. I am reminded that I need to be active and can be just as effective in helping in efforts over here, as I could be if I were over there. I will get on that!
All that to say, be encouraged…people do care about Haiti!
Take care,
a:
I send my devoted prayers with you and I pray that you are shown more strength and love from His heart than you can hold.
Be safe…be real…be you.
Bina
Bina?s last blog ..Marriage…Unwrapped
God bless you Anne.
My fear is that Haiti will become forgotten very soon, just like it has many times before.
I pray that you will keep it before us and the world for many years to come, to see the rebirth through to new life. The new life we all deserve.
Nick?s last blog ..What?s Your Worth? ? Sermon, Feb 7, 2010
doing things outside of you comfort zone… when you are weak God can show how great He is… wow! my prayers go with you. God is good all the time.
Anne, thank you for your raw honesty.
Your words….
It was rough…exhausted…alone…lost and found my faith a few times…it seemed hopeless…long time since I had been angry at God, and do I dare even say doubt his sovereignty….I knew I needed to go….I’m terrified…
….are so real. I have been overexposed to the “good face” of Christianity where the leaders on the stage are not deeply real, and questions and struggles in our faith are not accepted openly. I have been told I must not even be saved because I wrestled with my faith wanting to make sure it was based on truth and not just what others have told me. Thank you for showing me that questioning and being real about where I am at is okay. Thank you for showing me that connecting with our own heart it beautiful. Thank you for encouraging me that others care about the lost and hurt as deeply as I do.
Praying for your trip, your ability to love well, and that the Lord will reshape you and alter you. Not only will Haiti be reborn, but I believe you will be also!
Sherie?s last blog ..Be Careful?.It Shouldn?t Be About the Bumper Sticker or Online Post
You’ll be in Haiti on my 26th Birthday so I’m asking people to pray for you as a gift to me. God’s done a lot for you and to you in the last 10 years. I hope He continues.
Sarah?s last blog ..Calling In The Cavalry
Praying for you, Anne! I’m going to Haiti myself Feb 20 and I have friends there right now. I hear it is like none other. Thanks for getting out of your comfort zone and answering that call! Will be praying…
I just love FlowerDust. I believe you’re real Anne. I like that. Keep being you- okay? I’ll be following your tweets from Haiti. What you’re up to is so important.
Thanks for sharing. And making..FlowerDust.
Lee Ann
Thanks for serving. Can’t wait to see what God does.
evan blackerby?s last blog ..How Non-Drama Becomes Super-Drama
Anne,
Powerful post. Looking forward to the 21st. Hopefully we’ll have these storms out of our system by then. Lots of snow. Lots!
30 sounds a lot better than 20 :) I can’t wait to hear all your stories from Haiti.
Jacklyn?s last blog ..Arbitrary truth
3 things:
#1.)I am praying for you!
#2.)just look in their (Haitians)Soul eye’s Anne-You will see Jesus.
#3.)when words fail; be still and listen
Reese?s last blog ..Dear ME: Get thee behind me
Safe travels and wish I had the guts to do what you’re doing…
Cyndi?s last blog ..Looking for Love
Anne, you have accomplished so much. More importantly it has such great meaning behind everything you do. I love to read your insight on everything. Including happy pills as by husband is borderline bi polar. It helps me to see or be better to relate with him.
Good luck on your trip. What an awesome and life changing experience.
Best Wishes
woohoo! so exciting. what God can do to a person’s life in 10 years is soooooo amazing.
when i was 20, i was lost in drugs, alcohol, left pregnant and alone. God has changed me since then and im glad He changed you too! He is so wonderful!
i turned 30 last year… and this is what i decided to do to celebrate my big 3-Oh. http://www.ricianne.com/2009/12/b-day-wish-hope-on-skid-row-pt2.html
the reason why i did it is because i wanted to celebrate my birthday the way Jesus celebrated His when He turned 30 – to feed the hungry and the poor and give hope to the hopeless.
i believe that you are walking in Jesus’ footsteps as well by making this decision to go to Haiti… celebrate your 30th knowing that the God that we serve is SO PROUD OF YOU…and the Christian community that you reach out to is extremely happy for you as well.
i pray He grants you your heart’s desires as you celebrate your birthday by sharing your life and your joy to those who need it the most! will be praying for you and your team while you’re in Haiti!
Wow, you’re an inspiration. I’m 20 right now, and I’d like to think I’m further along than you were at 20. Still, I have a lot of catching up to do to get to where you’re at at 30.
Thank you for the example… even when you feel out of place.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
bondChristian?s last blog ..Top 10 places to find your ministry
For two years, we’ve been praying for a friend who has been waiting for her twin Haitian children to come home to the States. They are finally in their forever home with their mama, daddy, and three siblings who already love them dearly. It’s humbling that something so tragic can bring about a dream come true.
Anne, thank you for you honesty, as usual. And praise God that He is so gracious to bring us so far in a decade.
You’re so right when you say:
‘However, I?ve vowed that when fear, or comfort, or some other little obstacle contrary to the Kingdom pops in my head the correct response is to do the exact opposite.’
It reminds me how good/ freeing/ life-giving things are so often opposed, whether by fear, comfort or a whole host of other things that force us to second guess what we know is right. Good for you for facing those opponents and doing what you believe is right.
alisha?s last blog ..The allure of the sleepy beach town
Praying for you all…. you are sure to be changed forever.
jana?s last blog ..Do I Need a Formal Science Program?
Anne,
I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago, and have been hooked ever since. Your posts are so honest and so refreshing. Thank you for your transparency, it is something that is really lacking within the Christian community. I know nearly nothing about you, but from what I have read, I think you are remarkable and extremely admirable. Be well on your trip to Haiti, it’s going to be hard.
P.s. I read your mom’s post a while back. She sounds lovely too :)
Praying for you guys! I am believing in the sick healed, dead raised, and demons fleeing for your whole team! Thank you for taking all of us with you.
Anne,
There is a purpose here far beyond what you can now comprehend. God is using and going to use you even more. I have found the more difficult, the more impossible, the more out of our comfort zone a thing is…the more God is glorified through us. He goes before you and makes the way…our job=follow in obedience and watch and listen. He’s got something to show you there. Praying…
ironmike?s last blog ..Dreamland…