Lately, I’ve been immersing myself in the words of Thomas Merton. If you’re not familiar with his writing, he’s a 20th century Trappist monk and writer (more here) and his words have the power to transcend the logical and explore the spiritual undercurrents in which we rarely dare to wade.
I read this from Merton other day, and it reminded me of something I wrote in Mad Church Disease.
“We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time and no imagination left for being. As a result, men are valued not for what they are but for what they do or what they have – for their usefulness”
In Mad Church Disease, I confessed I was so busy “doing” things for God that I had forgotten how to simply “be.” with him.
I love what Merton adds though – this second part:
“As a result, men are valued not for what they are but for what they do or what they have – for their usefulness”
Essentially, when we become wrapped up in our productivity, ambition, and success, we will inevitably cast the same expectations on others. We will focus on what they do instead of the beautiful layers of who they are, removing us further from God’s design to exist in a non-judgmental, merciful community where we consider others better than ourselves…
I know I constantly am driven by my ambition and the results of it. And as a culture, upon meeting someone new, we typically ask, “So…what do you do?” While that’s an innocent question in and of itself, I think it’s an indicator of the priorities we’ve subtly placed on what it means to be a valuable human being.
What do you think? Have you experienced this in your life?
Related posts:
This is me constantly. I’m always wanting to “be” more, but “being” always involves “doing” something else more “valuable.” Which is a) ridiculous, as who can determine the value of anything we do and b) is a great way of judging others aren’t being as valuable as me.
Matt @ The Church of No People´s last blog ..Who Are You?
Yep, bivocational (which is full and a half time) engineer/pastor, I frequently only get wisps of the pneuma and snatches of revelation. But I do get them.
For me, now, I guess I’d say that doing is being too. The quiet time is shortened and not even quiet sometimes but God speaks nonetheless. Is it optimal or ideal? No way, but it’s real.
I must mention that I’ve known those who spend multiple hours in their devotionals whose ministry I neither emulate nor even respect. Were they “being” rather than “doing”? I’m no judge of that, but I’d love to have a mentor/friend whose fruit of “being” would better inspire me. So I guess I’m jaded at this point (pray for me?).
Thanks,
John
That is an awesome quote. I made it my facebook status.
I defitinely worry more about what I’m doing or not doing rather than just being.
I like how you point out the ‘what do you do?‘ question. Should we think differently about who someone is and ask a different question? It doesn’t sound right to say ‘What are you?‘
‘So tell me, who are you?‘ seems a little awkward.
‘What do you want to be?‘ sounds like they still have more to do
‘Tell me your story…? That seems like an invitation for someone to tell you who they are rather than what they do, but I have a feeling they would answer right off the bat with what they do because that is what they are used to being asked.
Thanks for this.
As a real, live “rocket scientist” (BS and MS in Aerospace Engineering, working in the aerospace industry), I’ve spent most of my adult life avoiding the question “so what major are you/what do you do?” because people hear my response, say “oh, you must be smart,” their eyes glaze over, and that’s the end of any chance of a relationship. For a while, I tried to point out that there were many different ways of being “smart,” I’ve answered with the truth and then immediately appended “but that’s not all that I am,” and I’ve tried to keep it hidden. Occasionally someone will genuinely be interested, but usually after they find out how someone goes to the bathroom in space, the conversation’s pretty much over.
As much as I love being a rocket scientist (and I do, very much), it does not define me. My prayer is that the people who do actually get to know me will know all of me and that there will be more to me in the end than “she was a rocket scientist.”
I hate answering the question “What do you do?” My answer – I’m a stay at home mom who homeschools my 4 kids. What the person asking the questions hears – I do nothing very useful. To most people, a paycheck and “real” job equal “useful”. Working at home and volunteering aren’t seen as useful, at least not in the same tangible way that a person with a job title is seen as useful.
Tiffany´s last blog ..Writing a Good Story with Props
I have especially noticed this while i have been unemployed or as the Church Bartender told me, a free agent.
It is really tough for me to tell people that I do not have a job. Not only the awkward looks, but especially talking with the ladies. Not a good thing to be a 23 year old male without a job.
The words of Merton are so wise and well said. I tend to do exactly what he is saying, judge others on what they do and can do for me rather then know them for who they are.
Its tough to be in a culture that strictly looks at what you can bring to the table. You identity can be wrapped up in what you do and how you can deliver. Even inside the Christian culture this is true. The idea that you have value when you have more then 5000 followers on twitter or when you have 5000 people that attend your church you then have something to say. It is a nasty thing.
I think that is why this quote stings…it cuts right to the spirit of what I am trying to get at, being known for something I do rather then being known for who I am, a sinner saved by Grace.
Good quote! I have been going through that mostly with my denomination unfortunately.
I have been called to be a missionary and have been facing quite a bit of resistant in the last few years. Understandably the economy is hard and is impacting my denomination who fully financially supports their missionaries. However the message has been “we will only send the best of the best.” Basically, they are measuring output and output potential versus the heart. (Obviously, the character of a man/woman is also considered and valued.) But it’s a bit discouraging when you are not an outgoing, type A personality.
However, in the midst of discouragement, I always come back to the fact that I know God has called me. It is His plan and His timing is perfect. He is making me into the person He desires. In Him, I can be who I am designed to be.
Mindy´s last blog ..Salesmen I Like
I have been out of work for a number of months now, but during this time I have also experienced deep transformation of a my walk with God (so it has been an incredible sabbatical). Yesterday I was talking to a friend about looking for work and hoping for something to happen soon and he challenged me about why I was working doing something I might be good at when he could tell what I was really passionate about. Right now I am asking myself, “If nothing stopped me, who would I be?”. I think that somehow includes the answer of what I would do.
Anne, you said, “Essentially, when we become wrapped up in our productivity, ambition, and success, we will inevitably cast the same expectations on others.” I think when we become wrapped up in that thinking it is all we can see, it is all we know. I have seen church leaders express that people are only really accepted for their usefulness to the body, and yet there are seasons in our lives where we can’t do, and sometimes we don’t even know how to be. I think that is part of the good news….we are, we were created, we are loved, we are gifted, we have purpose, we have value, we have being…and because of that we can do.
Sherie´s last blog ..People aren’t expendable
Perhaps we should ask, “What’s your story?” rather than “What do you do?”
But that brings about the potential of conversation, and even relationship. This is just too much sometimes. We aren’t what we do, but our culture (even Church) loves to tell us otherwise. I’m really praying and hoping for that to change. We’d see revival, I tell you.
Josh´s last blog ..Friday’s Quote of Note
What a great question to ask. It’s the relationships that we build that will bring value and allow us to be used in the way God wants to use us.
Michelle´s last blog ..Random Friday
I think you are absolutely right about that shift, Josh! Ask people “what’s your story?” and you start a relationship. Ask people “what do you do?” and you start and end a conversation pretty quickly.
Katie´s last blog ..Spring is Just Around the Corner!
I think the two are so closely tied together, it’s nearly impossible in the Real World to pull them apart.
What makes me valuable is what I do. I know that this will be disagreed with, because a job doesn’t make us valuable, etc. and I’m a stay at home mom and I think I’ve a different perspective on things, but isn’t it true that what we do demonstrates our character? How useful we are tends to be a gauge of how spiritual we are in church settings. I don’t feel I’m valued unless I’m doing something, and I think most organizations, churches, etc. reinforces that. One shows that they are a good person by what they DO, how useful they are, etc. People only know us by what we do and what role we fill and if it’s valuable or not.
I have a tendency to come across argumentative and I don’t mean to be…. what I’m saying is that I long for a place that truly finds the value in people just because they are created in the image of God, without doing or being a certain way or proving one is valuable….. but I don’t see this much in the world. I’m a mom, one is only “valuable” at the school my kids attend if they volunteer and a part of the PTA. At many churches it’s all based on how much one gives, does, etc. (I am fortunate that I attend a really good church and yet I still feel at times that my worth and value is tied up to what I do)
Bottom line, I blame this on others, institutions, expectations, but this is really just an issue that I really struggle with….. because I think most of my friendships are based on them knowing me for what I do, not who I am. And I don’t allow most to really get to know who I am easily.
torybee´s last blog ..Do Not Ignore
I work for an international, publicly-owned corporation. This is my work culture. I just got off a webinar where they were rolling out a new metrics system to track how our sales people are doing and if they’re getting enough sales to stay with the company.
Living in this culture 9 hours a day is a weight and so far from where my heart is. Thank you for speaking against the stream, I needed the reminder.
V. Higgins´s last blog ..Heart breaking
What a fantastic post. I’ve read before that in other countries, “What do you do” does NOT automatically elicit a response about your vocation, but rather things like “skate with my kids” or “hang out with friends” or “I like running.”
I’m working on becoming a personal biographer because I love to have people share stories with me — share who they are, where they have been in life, and where they think they are going. This may be difficult, though, because it requires people to really open up and reveal things about who they really ARE instead of what they have DONE.
Telling you I am a web developer is not risky for me at all. Letting you see who I really am seems VERY risky. What if you laugh? What if you hurt me through the spot I opened in my armor?
If we can learn to more easily share our humanity, the essence of who we are, I think it would benefit us all.
Paul Kaiser´s last blog ..“Drop Dead” they said
Yep! I have most definitely experienced this in my life. The worst time was when I had to take a medical leave from being a pastor because of stress and burnout. I struggled so much during the beginning of that time off. I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t pastoring.
I wish I could say that I have overcome this lie of “I am what I do” but I haven’t. I still struggle with it constantly …
Kevin M.´s last blog ..Friday Top Five 1/29/10
Yes, that’s a hard one for me to separate too. Being seems to be made of doing. We are what we repeatedly do. It’s difficult to break that mindset to see from God’s perspective.
Any suggestions?
-Marshall Jones Jr.
bondChristian´s last blog ..How to expose someone’s goodness
@Marshall: I suggest each person should evaluate who they are, or at least who they want to be. Then, they should act accordingly. This turns the Being Doing formula on its head. Furthermore, when people judge us by our actions (doing), they’ll have a pretty good idea what kind of people we are (being).
Paul Kaiser´s last blog ..“Drop Dead” they said
Marshall, a great book that I just read that has really helped me in this battle is “The Search for Significance.” I highly recommend it!
Kevin M.´s last blog ..Friday Top Five 1/29/10
This did not bother me too much, or perhaps I didn’t notice it until I went through a time of deep brokenness and feeling like a failure in ministry. Although much of my circumstances were so out of my control and not due to any of my decisions, I still judged my value to the church – and to God – based on the size of our church, etc. It was a heartbreaking time for me. I would go to conferences and all classes and sessions seemed to be focused on “how to do church better”. I got to the point that I couldn’t bear to go to a conference because it just so debilitating for me. Isn’t that sad? I was giving my all to serve God, and I felt like a failure because I could not measure up to some standard that had nothing to do with my relationship with God, or even my heart for people. (or quite honestly, my ability to lead worship!)
Not only are people valued for their usefulness, but sadly, we judge the “move of God” based on our human talents and abilities sometimes. It can make us very prideful when we use our production as a yardstick and not character or heart change.
Jan Owen´s last blog ..Yet Will I Praise You
Anne, for the first time in my super wonderful life, I’m speechless on that question. Why? Well, my husband announced our retirement from thirty-eight years of Senior Pastoring; so when someone asks what we are doing and we say “retired;” then their comment is “I wish I could do nothing.” They have got to be kidding!!!! We’ve been busier now than ever. Giving our home an extreme makeover, helping couples with marriage issues, etc. You can’t get away from helping hurting people. And I mean some of these couples have been married upwards of forty-eight years!
Then, our son got us a Lexus for a retirement present. So you see,why I say I am speechless? We really amount to something now. There are always comments from whomever sees us in it and guess what? We have really become valuable! How precious of him. I just love how you keep us thinking!!! & we feel so important. Thanks!
Carol´s last blog ..More on Gratitude!
I particularly experienced it after my accident when I lost my job and had no capability to help others or serve in church etc for a long time. I actually would get anxiety about social situations because of the ‘what do you do’ question.
It taught me that God loves me anyway. Which is an important lesson!
In November, I left my job, and I haven’t regretted it. Thankfully, my husband is able to support us both on his salary. We made the decision together (after a lot of prayer and seeking wise counsel) for me to leave that job.
It was like a HUGE boulder was on my chest, and then I could suddenly breathe. That was NOT the place I was meant to be, and the stress was outrageous. Since then, I’ve been looking for a part-time job.
But it is something that is difficult when people say, “What do you do?” Well…I do the cleaning, the cooking, the errands, the laundry, exercise the dogs, exercise myself, blog, read, learn more about photography with my camera, look for a job, and handle other tasks, for starters. But that’s not what people mean. They mean, “What are you paid to do?” And, for now, that’s nothing. And when I do have a job, it will probably be something part-time because my husband and I love for those other things I now have time to do around the house to get done. And that job might not even be something I would have considered doing when I graduated from college.
I have struggled with accepting myself in this way. The jobs I’ve done in the past are not anything like what my over-achieving (doctor, lawyer, and Ph.D student) siblings do. I worked at the zoo, and I loved it. I love animals. Then I taught Spanish at a preschool. Now I’m planning to nanny. I love kids. One day, I want to be a stay at home mom. Is there anything wrong with those things? No. Am I who my siblings are? No. So should I feel bad if I don’t have the desire to have their jobs? No. I’m not like them, so why should I compare myself to them? It’s not a new concept. But it’s still hard to get from “knowing” it to “believing” it. I think I’m there now. But it took years. And I honestly think that if people didn’t place such an emphasis on careers as defining people, it wouldn’t have been so hard to get over it.
Meghan´s last blog ..Interviews
Tiffany- omg same here!!! I dread that question!!! I even avoid situations where I’ll have to answer it. I was very smart and great at school, high test scores, even graduated in the top 10 of my class. But I got married at 19, quit school at 21 and had the first of 3 babies. Sometimes I tell people I run a daycare. That seems to get more respect.
Meghan- if you struggle with that now, make sure it’s dealt with before you have kids. (Or u could resent them later for it. Just honesty.) nothing is more isolating and mundane than being a sahm.
This is such an important, many-layered subject, as all the comments show. There is so much pressure to have accomplishments or status to show for our time, pressure we feel from others but also pressure we put on ourselves.
For all the stay at home parents struggling with these issues, I know how difficult it is. But that life taught me (eventually) to measure value by different and more humane standards than the one our culture assumes.
Struggle with this everyday.
Jeff Goins´s last blog ..The Kind of Person You Want to Be
I have been out of work due to illness for several years. One of the reasons I have trouble getting back out of isolation is because i have not found a good answer for “what do you do?” Therefore, I am much more reluctant to get out of the house. It seems trivial, but it really seems to be key.
I have tried using the term “house husband” since I do a lot of domestic work around the house, but that just doesn’t seem to fly too well in the somewhat rural midwest. Saying that “I don’t work and that I am sick” doesn’t fly too well either.
As for “just being”, I still maintain that if i could just lie on my bed comfortably and experience myself breathe for 4 hours a day, that within 6 months I would be healed from fibromyalgia and bipolar type two disorder, and that I would have direction in my life again.
However, it is mostly Christian doctrines that keep me from doing this. I am a believer in the finished work of the cross, and I deeply honor these doctrine. But, as I try to practice self awareness, they seem to contradict in many ways- the practice of it. Therefore I don’t get very far. To be quite honest- I have tired practicing God awareness instead, but I quickly get worn out. Actually, most of the time, I am so tired, that even lying still and telling myself to just focus on my breathing is way too energetic. I think I am going to begin experimenting with just lying still and doing nothing else for extended periods of time.
Doing this seems in lots of ways too eastern, and not Christian enough. And the fear that I may fall into eastern philosophy keeps me from getting anywhere.
God created the East too…and there are some powerful, non-advertising driven healing techniques that are wonderful….:)
yeah, but lots of people that go east, soon leave the blood of Christ behind- that is what scares me. If I was tied in to a local body, I mihgt be less scared about this, but I am so isolated, and God isn’t giving me the green light to find a church. I need it, I want it, but He hasn’t given me the green light, and i am scared. Pastors I talk to, just admonish me to get in a church, they don’t understand that God isn’t giving me the green light to do so.
talking about the east– I tried to find a doctor by writing The Insitute of Functional Medicine. They had no idea of where to find a Christian doc who practiced functiional medicine, but if I wanted a shaman, i could have got referrals to many.
Your reply didn’t help me navigate the waters of seeking mediation within a Christian framework. Most of the time, you really help me in your blogs. This time with your response to my post, you didn’t, and I trust you less now. I still trust you, but your stock went down a little.
the blood of Christ will never leave YOU behind.
joining a local body doesn’t mean going to a building every week…our local body consists of many friends of many denominations, orthodox and protestant. they are our church while we look for a church home. in scripture we are instructed to be in community with others. that is your green light.
i’m not a doctor or a counselor – so please don’t put any weight in what i have to say. this is merely my online journal. i’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time.
Lorenzo, I have talked with a lot of folks that are struggling like you are. Please know you are not alone and are not the only one who has/is going through a season like this. If you believe that Christ is the truth and daily seek that you will not leave the blood of Christ. The key is what we focus on and set our hearts on. Right now you have physical and emotional needs that sound like they need to be met. It is okay to do that and not attend a physical church. Many pastors are well intentioned but only know how to connect you with others and provide you with direction through programs in their church. Keep in mind that Matt. 6:11 says, “Give us today our daily bread.” For now, just concentrate on allowing God to provide what you need to make it through today so you can get healthy.
Sherie´s last blog ..Planting changed lives
Definitely needed to hear this.
Amy´s last blog ..Best…(My own) Words.
Good message! I am not religious, but if you remove religion and apply this to people and society in general it is very true.
Michael Dundas´s last blog ..Identifying the anonymous in today’s digital world
Thanks Michael. I love what Seth Godin says about religion – it’s a machine, and institution that beats people down and sometimes churches can be more religious than they are faithful. And faith – in something – I hope is a value everyone shares!
We are so addicted to doing. It’s a wonder we are not called human doings instead of human beings. I think it’s sort of a soft legalism, focusing on what I am doing instead of what He has already done for me, and just resting in that. Out of that focus of living loved by God, my doing can be fruitful, not just activity.
anne – i must ask you politely to STOP THIS STUFF!!!
i’m tired of you rattling my cage, making me ask questions of myself, and generally stirring the ol comfort pot.
i have given you no permission to push ny thinking, much less ask questions that i just don’t want to think about – so once again – STOP, STOP, STOP!!!!
short answer to your question – heck yea
One of my friends went to Africa a few years ago. The ladies’ in the church did not ask “How are you?” They asked “How is your Heart?” … If you practice this, chances are your priorities will align, and no labels will be placed (due to what you or he/she does as an occupation.)
**When I have asked this question, it is funny, the reaction I receive. :-) **
“How is your heart” is similar to God’s pursuit of Adam and Eve in the Garden — “Where are you?”
In NYC, sometimes the only question that seems to matter when you first meet someone is “What do you do?” I am guilty of this when looking at others and far guilty of it when I look at myself. Thanks.
cool dad´s last blog ..The Story of The Island: The biggest moments are coming