I’ve been in New York City over the weekend…a last minute trip to meet with some amazing people and hopefully share a very powerful story in Permission to Speak Freely. It was a spur of the moment trip, sans The Hubs. Thankfully, we were just here a couple of weeks ago, so the subway maps and schedules were fresh in my mind.
My flight got in after dark on Saturday night because of some delays, and being on my own plus the torrential rain storm that hit the Northeast, I decided that paying a little more for a cab instead of taking two trains and two subways would be a safer way to get to my hotel.
I’ve ridden in cabs in pretty much every major US city (and Delhi, India for that matter) and each experience is remarkable in some way.
This trip was no exception. After hearing I looked like a movie star (it must have been my no-make up face and airplane-frizzed hair), the driver asked if I was married.
“Yes. Six and a half years. To a very good, very protective man.”
“That is a long time,” he said. “You must get bored of him. Do you ever cheat?”
“No. He’s a very funny guy, so I don’t get bored. Plus I love him. Are you married?”
“Yes. Three years. We just had a newborn. We don’t have the sex now. So I cheat on her with a customer. I am bored. I have no choice.”
Oh. Expletive.
“You don’t have a choice?”
“No. Men are different. We see a beautiful woman and we have to have the sex. Even if we watch the movie with a beautiful woman. It warms us up and we need to have the sex. I don’t want to cheat, but I can’t stop myself.”
Oh. Expletive. Expletive.
“How long have you been driving a cab?” I ask, changing the subject and wondering if I jumped out of the cab if I could run to the 34th street station without him chasing me.
“Five years. That is how I met the girlfriend. She knows I’m married but she doesn’t care. She’s 42. I’m only 29. I like the older women. She says they are called cougars.”
“I’ve heard that. How did you meet your wife?”
“It was arranged marriage.”
“Do you love her?”
“Oh very much. She is very beautiful. But I am bored.”
“Does she know you cheat on her?”
“No,” he laughs. “She would get very mad. So you never cheat. Your husband, does he cheat?”
“Pretty sure he doesn’t.”
“All men cheat. They just lie about it. They keep their actions the same so you don’t know. Even priests.”
“Really?”
“All the time.”
I glanced around to see where we were.
Madison and 34th.
We still had a long. Way. To. Go.
I tried to redirect the conversation several times, but this guy had his mind set on one thing. Even though it was extremely inappropriate and unprofessional, I still felt safe. But more than that I felt heartbroken for him.
I mean after all, he said he didn’t want to cheat.
He felt like he didn’t have the strength to say no.
Somehow we got on the topic of smoking. He said he smoked. I asked him if he ever wanted to quit and he said he did. Sometimes for months, but he’d always go back. I told him that if he had enough will power to stop smoking, maybe he was strong enough to not cheat too, if he really didn’t want to.
“I believe you can be strong.”
He didn’t believe me.
“The sex is different,” he said.
And I know smoking and sex - the sex – are different. I don’t work in a church anymore, and I try to spend more time now in conversations with people who don’t go to church much (or at all) or that go to different types of churches than I do.
I thought I was out of the bubble, but the truth of the matter is these ninety minutes in a cab showed me how much I still live a very sheltered, very southern, very bubbled life.
My cab driver is the world outside of my safe little sanctuary.
My cab driver needs hope.
And faith.
And strength.
And truth.
We arrived at my hotel. I gave him a huge tip and thanked him for driving me in the rain so safely. He told me I looked like a movie star again and then he drove off.
Saturday night, the ninety minutes outside the bubble had a profound effect on me.
Just how much am I open to serving in uncomfortable, awkward and maybe even unsafe situations? How many times do I pretend I’m doing good simply by being good or protect myself by keeping to the same, safe people all the time?
From my hotel window, I keep staring out at the galaxy of city lights & feeling so very tiny yet so very determined to make every moment & every word count for love, regardless of where I am, or who I’m with, or how uncomfortable it may be.
—–
Sounds like God offered you protection, calmness in your soul, a discerning spirit, and a bit of a sense of humor as you ventured into new territory.
You left that man with lots of good food for thought. A new way of looking at life and marriage and sex and women.
You left him with a slice of life from Jesus’ eyes – which is so much better than what he was trolling around looking for …
Oh … by the way … welcome to New York!
Linda Stoll´s last blog ..Shop Til You Drop?
Thank you for being a light for Jesus in a very dark world, Anne, and for reporting back to us with some great food for thought.
I will be praying for this cab driver, his wife, their child, their family… and the others like him struggling without God in their life.
I was just thinking this morning about how many people don’t like to take responsibility for their actions anymore. Yes, it is hard to stay pure when you’re bombarded with commercials and TV shows all about sex. But ultimately, it’s not the media or the beautiful women that made this cab driver choose “the sex”–it’s all him.
I don’t say that to put either your or me above this gentleman. I say that to show that it’s nearly impossible to live a holy life on our own. Thankfully we can rely on God’s strength to help us overcome temptation.
Travis Mamone´s last blog ..Emily Gould and How Not to Blog
WOW…. I don’t even have words for this!!!
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G
God can meet up right where we’re at, no matter where we are or who we’re with!!!!
Lauren Kelly´s last blog ..Weekend Recap!
oh, expletive. expletive! thank God for His protection as you go where He calls you… you have more cajones than i, chica. :) love you…
There are probably times in every couple’s lives when, for any of many reasons, “the sex” isn’t available. On one of those, I finally had to ask myself “Do I love sex more? Or do I love my partner more?” That wasn’t a simple question. But the answer, for me, was “my partner.” That’s still my answer.
I’m going to be very honest and thank you for not sugar coating this experience. I fall so easily into the trap of looking at godly women like you and other godly leaders and see what their ministry is and think “Oh, it just comes so easily for them to accept everyone and love on everyone and I have problems loving friends and family, let alone a perfect stranger.”
In addition, I think that this experience shows that it isn’t you or me or us, but GOD alone that we are able love on and be brokenhearted for anyone other than ourselves at all.
Prudychick´s last blog ..Featured on Flowerdust.net
amazing how those moments outside of our usual bubble can provide so much perspective on life.
Tyler´s last blog ..A Theology of Worship // Part One
Yo ‘GO’ girl!
BN
Big Norm´s last blog ..Enterprise USA
Loving it that you are now outside of organized religion and the “christian” bubble/sub-culture………everything seems more real now doesn’t it?
EROPPER´s last blog ..Threadless Tshirt Giveaway at jaypeeonline.net
Reminds me of a lot of cab rides I had last year, especially in South Africa. And, I also have been in a cab in Delhi… several times… and I’ve never prayed harder in my life!
Wow, that was a great cab ride, minus the 90 minutes part.
It sounds like the guy was looking for anyone who would engage in conversation with him and would tell him that he is not crazy.
Sounds like inside of God using you to listen He also used the cab driver as well.
Thanks for sharing.
Every once in a while, it is good to step out of our bubbles – whatever they may be. I think it helps to remind us that not everyone lives like us or thinks like us or sees the world like us. It gives us a moment to step into other people’s shows to share the joys and pains and brokenness. I think in those moments we realize the humanity in each of us… Sometimes, “God moments” are as simple as that – just seeing and hearing other people.
Wow. That breaks my heart into a billion little pieces.
WOW.
W. O. W.
From your telling, I’d have to agree that the driver wanted/needed to talk about it, probably to help resolve that “don’t want to but feel I have no control over it” issue. He wanted you, a total stranger, to tell him that his situation is normal and his handling of it is understandable…whatever will bring him some peace.
I’m pretty sure I’m in a bubble, too. But I pray that if I am ever put in that position that I would have the grace to plant the same quality “seeds” you did.
enjoy NYC, can’t wait to read more.
Sometimes, when I get stressed out about how I should be changing the world, I remind myself that changing the world isn’t my calling. My calling is to simply be like Jesus. In this moment. In every moment. (And if the world changes as a result, so be it!)
Thanks for being a picture of what this looks like practically, even in an awkward situation.
Rachel H. Evans´s last blog ..Living in a Construction Zone
anne – remember back to your younger days in dallas when you just starting out with the money, car, etc.
i read this and said to myself “sounds lie a normal day to me”. the funny thing is that in the workplace it’s not strangers saying these things, it’s people we know, work for, manage, and spend hours with every day.
just a little slice of life outside the bubble. please promise that you’ll never, ever forget what it’s like in the every day world as you dig deeper into authoring books related to the spiritual world.
Ann,
Fabulous, beautiful writing. What struck me was the courage you had to stay with the conversation and not jump out of the cab! God gave you the opportunity to be Jesus to this broken man and you did. Those are the kinds of moments where a man can feel his soul crack open a bit, allow a tiny bit of light inside, and God is there to move.
It shows me I need to stay steady in uncomfortable circumstances and see what God can do.
Lovely and terrific.
Wow. Good post.
Elaine´s last blog ..A New Season
Wow. I can’t say that I’m comfortable outside my bubble either. Many of my friends attend church. However I do like having interactions with those outside my bubble. In the same way it gives me perspective. There are many different types of people in the world.
Craziness…
Graham´s last blog ..Step 4 ? Big Idea Summary Distribution
I don’t know how many conversations like that I’ve run into…. sad indeed. Just out of curiosity, what was his ethnicity?
Maureen´s last blog ..I?m in way over my head
he was from bangladesh!
anne jackson´s last blog ..The Sex and The City
Great post.
Very sobering to realize the comfortable and safe environments that I am constantly in, when there are a whole lot of people living in a totally different world.
Nick´s last blog ..Legalism at its Best
Bubble-world! Arrggghhh! My bubble is so cloudy that I can’t even see the real outside world. Dangerous, I know. I feel like God’s saying, “Girl, you can come out of that bubble on your own or I’m gonna snatch you out so fast it’ll make your head spin.” Don’t know about you, but I HATE it when God makes my head spin. I just hope I have the courage to exit the bubble on my own, knowing most importantly, I’m NOT alone.
Cindy´s last blog ..How To Fail Successfully
I love talking to nonbelievers. It’s fascinating. I just want to dive into their lives and find out why they think and feel and do things and what their motivations are and what their dreams are and how they feel they can achieve their dreams.
Or lack thereof.
It has challenged me SO much lately to think about why I live the way I live, and why my life is different…and then it’s sobering to realize how it’s really NOT any different. I know that I need Jesus to live and move and breathe and EXIST, but they don’t understand it…and I realized that I don’t understand it either. I don’t understand the point, and that makes me sad. I know that I have SOMETHING special in my life, but I am just realizing that I haven’t taken advantage of the magnitude of Jesus…and I really, really should.
Kayla´s last blog ..Flickers.
sounds you like you displayed some great relational intelligence in a Jesus-like way: you didn’t endorse his choices and you didn’t condemn him. you, subtly, spoke of a better way. :)
i wonder if this – for you – was the most important part of the trip…
That is an amazing story. Since i have quit my job at the church, you know…the cushy one in the bubble and started working in the restaurant industry again i am daily reminded of how hurt and broken the world is.
And how easy it is to stay in my bubble. But i am now daily encountering people who dont live their life like me…who hate the church, or were hurt by the church. It is a reminder of the junk i have had to deal with. It reminds me that God has given me a story so i can relate.
I am proud of you…those times can be super awkward…but you did well.
Lynse Leanne´s last blog ..My Story ? It Was Who I Was
Hey Anne,
My first thought is,”Ooooy…maybe you should have taken the subway.” But my second thought is, “How many women in a day does he hit on, and how many of them are broken enough to say yes?”
(My third thought is, “Should you really be sitting on this seat cushion?”, but that’s a separate issue.)
I serve at a great church. We try hard to reach ‘the least of these’ and I’ve had the privilege of seeing prostitutes, crack addicts and the homeless find a new future in the love of Christ. I’ve been cussed out, stolen from and swung at, but that’s just part of the process. Reaching out always costs something.
I try to treat every day as an outreach opportunity. Many days, I fail. I love that you grabbed the opportunity to make a difference in somebody’s life and you hung on.
Uncomfortable? Likely.
Scared? Maybe a little.
Fighting the impulse to throw yourself from a moving vehicle? The whole time.
But you hung on. That’s why you will continue to make a difference in the world. So honored to have crossed your path.
Be blessed, Anne. And continue to hang on :)
Donna Frank´s last blog ..Sausage gravy at the truckstop
i live in a bubble as well. Most of the time i also pretend everything is ok. why is it that we feel a need to protect ourselves from the people even in our bubble?
thanks for being honest… that is what your driver saw in you whether he realized it or not.
what a powerful story. maybe it’s because i’m from new york, but i’m actually glad you had 90 minutes in his cab. the responses he got from you, i’m sure, were markedly different from others he’d have gotten if someone else were his client during that time slot.
and you know, the sad truth in my own life is that this very sort of thing happens within the bubble. my husband, a pastor and missionary, had an eighteen month affair. and then decided to divorce me. he, too, believes the lie that he “had to”. that he “had no choice”. even that i drove him to it. he’s said that divorce is the only right option because he doesn’t see things changing in our marriage to produce a different outcome down the road. (this was already affair #2.)
in or out of the bubble, sin is sin. and it leads to death.
bubbles are meant to be busted….Jesus himself was pretty good at it. Not saying this guy was Jesus, of course. But, I bet you could see him in the situation.
As a side note, I find it funny that he refers to it as “the sex.” awesome.
Josh´s last blog ..My Compassion experience
Wow!
That was such an awesome story. Thanks for sharing. Working in a ministry you easily forget what the real world is like.
I think this may be one of my fav posts of yours. So insightful with a powerful perspective.
i worked in a church for 6 years. been gone from there for 7 years. in the jobs that i’ve worked since the one at the church, i have found out some interesting things about myself.
1. i was incredibly self-absorbed
2. i was disgustingly self-righteous
3. i am very much like a lot of other people
i also found that loving people, though not always easy, is the primary thing God wants me to do. live loved by him, and love others. i listen to them and show interest in their lives, and sometimes, relationships happen. it’s also a lot easier to tell people at work about difficult things, because they are not always judging or trying to fix things. kind of reminds me of the book you’re working on.
Judy,
Your comment was very close to my family’s heart. Loving others is what he’s been emphasizing to us pretty much the whole time my wife Yvonne and I have been married – 31 years now. And this week our two kids, who manage the two Subways where we live, got nominated for this year’s Mayor’s Leadership Award because of what they’ve done in hiring some of the handicapped – ie, “loving” that one kind of neighbor. (We’ll find out tomorrow if they actually won – there are lots of nominations, but we’re still very proud of them.)
Best wishes to you as you learn to love your neighbors the ways God teaches. (If you’d like to see more of what we’ve learned about it, you’re welcome to read our website, http://www.sparkleofnature.com.)
Pete Ahlstrom
Wow, Anne.
mandythompson´s last blog ..Y?all were right.
It is always interesting yet challenging when faced with “another different normal”.
As I go introspective on my own life, I see that I pretty much have traveled in the same pastor’s circle, church’s circle-and I then I realize that I am probably missing out on a lot.
See Anne, I was right. You are a sensitive person. Most other women would have demanded to get out of the cab immediately and/or sprayed the guy with mace. You ask introspective questions of yourself when the whole thing is overwith. That’s awesome.
wow, thank you for sharing this. an excellent reminder that outside our safe bubbles, there’s a real hurting and confused world. we much pop the bubble… and now.
Crystal Renaud´s last blog ..23 Days: A Big Pile of Should
Anne, this is actually a comment on your Incourage post today (October 28), and I’m sending it because you’re probably in a good position to remind people like them to not leave those us who live too far out here in the “sticks” back in the dust (actually, we have a lot of that dust, but not even the sticks, just sagebrush and cactus).
What I’m saying is that, gradually, more and more websites of many kinds are setting up their sites according to what they can DO – and forgetting what many of us out here can and can’t RECEIVE. They add more and more neat “bells and whistles,” making for wonderful sites. For people in Nashville or New York that’s great. But they reach a point where, like this morning when I tried to read your comments on “Incourage,” the site wouldn’t come up at all. Too big. Too much to load. (Your own came up fine – and, just for your info, did it in between 10 and 15 seconds.)
The problem is that we, and a fair number of other people (especially out West) live where we simply can’t GET high speed internet. It’s only available a few miles from town. We’re just 6 miles out, but high-speed only reaches 3 to 4. Our max is 28.8 kpbs, and we don’t always get that. We can get text just great, and still pictures are slow but ok. But we can’t get audio (unless we’re willing to let it take between an hour and two hours to load and play). We can’t watch video at all (which means no Martha Williamson, who we’d love to see). And now, steadily, there are more and more sites that won’t even load for us. This morning, Incourage was one of those.
This isn’t just happening on Christian sites. Several weather sites we used to check regularly (like Intellicast’s radar) won’t come up for us any more. Some of our bill-paying sites “time out” before they get to the next page. And others. This morning I tried to access “Bread for the World,” and finally got about half a page – but no more.
The message is just this – please encourage the people you work with to remember that communication has to be two-way. It doesn’t communicate if it’s not receivable!
It’s lovely to be fancy, and it’s very wonderful for people who live where they can receive that. But, both here and in some of our neighboring states, there are many places between towns that will probably NEVER have high-speed. Not only is Internet limited to slow speed, but even cell phone service often doesn’t exist. (Friends who used to drive from here to Lander (WY) tell us that cell service stops a mile or two past where we live, and doesn’t resume for about another hundred miles.)
Just a plea for site creators to not unintentionally close the access door on people like us, even though we’ll always be a minority!
Thanks.
Another great story that you’ve lived through. Very cool how something as mundane as a cab trip can let so many lessons on love, lust, and the lost materialize. I hope you had a good, productive time in the city.
cool dad´s last blog ..I?m an aficionado of efficiency
You never know what you’re going to get when you click on to Flowerdust.net. One of my favorite posts of yours ever. I know that I came out of the same moral place that taxi driver dude did and thanks to Jesus coming into my life I don’t have to be there anymore. That said, it’s imperative that I physically return there so that I can do what He’s called us to do. Thankfully, finding Jesus later in life has resulted in me not wanting to hide behind the Church doors and want to be out in the mix of life proclaiming The Kingdom. Stoked that you got to experience that and have compassion instead of fear for a fellow broken traveler on this road that we call life. You rock!
bub´s last blog ..Psalm 109: The Video
There are no accidents. God wanted that man witnessed to, and you were available. Servants are usually available and attentive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Kind of like Bogart’s line in “Casablanca”: ‘of all the gin joints, she had to walk into this one.’ God could have given any number of cabs to ride in, but this one was his designated driver for that night – and you were the designated witness to him. Keep the faith.
Crazy story.
Jeff´s last blog ..Developing Norms for Your Team
I love that everyone has their own story and vices. People are so different, yet the same. Sometimes God has to get us stuck in a “cab” or wherever to help us physically remember His mission.
evan blackerby´s last blog ..Life outside of my front yard
Catching up on reading blogs today as I recover from my week in Chicago. So only read this post now. Gosh, I should have read it before I was your ‘driver’ … would have tried to provide more entertaining conversation ;)
I would have been torn just as you were – wanting to reach outside my own bubble, but almost too uncomfortable to do so. Love this stretching thought … ” How many times do I pretend I?m doing good simply by being good?”
Great meeting you – hope the next month goes well with speaking and writing!
Janet´s last blog ..STORY Chicago
Awe he was all stuck in his sex bubble. We’re ALL drowning in bubbles !! One way or another we can’t see past the brokeness that keeps us so tightly wrapped inside. If we don’t have the right theology of what sin is then we will continue to act as if avoiding certain behaviors, and the people that have the potential to bring out certain behaviors, is what it’s all about. Perfect plan to keep us locked up if you ask me. Thanks for the way you bring awareness =]
silly rabbits. This wasn’t about your place bubble, it was about your mindset bubble. The man was seeking condemnation in the midst of temptation. You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you? “all men cheat” is the mindset of sin without faith. Nevermind. It’s too complicated. silly rabbits. (grin)
that’s wild! i have to admit, if my fianc? informed that something like that had happened to her, i’d be close to combing the streets looking for every cab driver i could find just to ask him what the heck was wrong with him. it’s shocking and saddening to think someone could find themselves in that place, but when i look at my own life, i see very similar principles at work to erode my relationships and my faith.
we all have our “sex” it seems is impossible to overcome. it’s truly a testament to the depth, breadth, and width of God’s grace.
powerful.
thanks for sharing.
Oh Anne I know those cabbies exactly. So much world they see, and so little hope. You shook up his worldview in a few blocks. Good on you.
A friend sent me this post and I loved it. Great thoughts to a humorous but sad story. I am fascinated by how open some cab drivers will be. I have heard incredible stories–and if it gives you any hope, Ben, a Russian cab driver here in Portland loves his wife and thinks she is the most amazing woman in the world.
“Especially since she isn’t skinny like all you American women!”
I instantly fell in love with him!