It’s been a trip to read a few of the emails I’ve received since shutting down my personal Facebook. If you don’t spell out everything, people make assumptions. Here are a couple of my favorite “Is this really why you shut down Facebook?” questions:
- Were you being tempted to get involved with another man?
- Were you addicted to the games?
- Did you and your husband fight about the amount of time you spent on Facebook?
Allow me just a moment to clear the air — NO! None of those. I spent a few minutes one day a week on Facebook. I didn’t play a single game, ever. And um, no…, I’m happy to say I didn’t have any issues with boundaries. :)
Yesterday, we talked about building character…today…
Effort #2
Instead of focusing on building your platform, build relationships.
Online, that’s why I’ve decided to keep blogging and using Twitter and not have a personal Facebook account. The messages, invites, and apps just got overwhelming. With blogging, Twitter, and a “fan” page, I feel like I can actually have conversations with people and interact pretty easily.
I’d rather connect and converse intimately with a handful of people who share the same passion, encouragement, and values than with a bunch of people who I would just be barking to. Sure something may stick now and again, but it’s not as meaningful as it could be.
Offline is just as intentional. There are a handful of people that have been placed in my life to learn from, to grow with, and to also encourage and I want to be open to having these relationships flourish.
Whether online or offline, relationships that give people permission to talk and listen (and know they are being heard) are what help a message solidify and spread.
Your thoughts?
Related posts:
My wife, Sharon, says:
“Perception, without communication, is deadly.”
Jim’s last blog post..Kelly Slater:Mind Body Surf: Mind Episode
My husband and I were just talking about this in the kitchen this morning. The immediacy of technology gives us a false impression of relationship. I think cyber relationships are great for introductions, re-connections, and general maintenance of existing relationships. But we have to understand that true relationships are built in person, in the middle of our everyday lives. You can know someone by their Facebook profile and not really know them at all. Even their next door neighbor has a better idea of that person’s character (are they rude, messy, or noisy?) than you do.
Felicity’s last blog post..CompassionArt
Haha. Funny on the FB emails. People can assume some silly things. ?
True on the relationships. Has a lot to do with authenticity. Being real with your WHY and making sure that it flows into authentic connectedness. Being interested in people not just interested in numbers. Anyone can grow a large following but a large following means nothing if they aren’t engaged.
For me, I do follow a ton of people on Twitter but I have a system that works well for me. I use Tweetdeck to have groups. I follow those added to my groups more closely but then I do browse the others who I am following as well. As I see someone Tweeting about things relevant to a conversation then I add them to a group so I can follow more closely and engage. I’ve met a number of people locally and internally as a result. New friends and new ministry partners. It’s not the scenario for everyone but it works for me.
good stuff…the development of rich relationships is weaved throughout all of Scripture. Romans 16 is a great reflection of the fruit that comes from relationship building. :)
(btw, hope your body is being nice to you today!)
I’m new to the blog (after persistent recommendations from friends), and have really appreciated and learned from your perspective, Anne. I’ve been to India myself, so I especially enjoyed your most recent pictures.
This series on platform brings up a lot of good questions. My first book will be published by Zondervan in 2010, and if I had a dime for every time I was encouraged to build my platform…well, I probably wouldn’t need to build a platform. There have been times when I’ve wondered, “Does anyone even care what the book is about?” or “Am I exploiting my friends and acquaintances by promoting the book on Facebook and Twitter?” or “Am I reducing my fellow human beings to mere demographics, mere consumers?”
These posts have been a good reminder that the best platform is meaningless if the person standing on it doesn’t mean what she says or if she leaves no room for her listeners to join her.
However, I’m not sure that one really has to choose between building platform and building character or between building platform and building relationships. I think it’s possible to do both. For better or for worse, marketing, publicity and platform are a part of the publishing industry…and there are a lot of talented people poised to help you share your message with a lot of people who really want to hear your message and respond. As a young writer with few connections and limited experience, building a platform is an essential part of making a living and meeting my long-term career goals. Doing what I love and loving other people may be all I need for true contentment, meaning, and purpose…but if I want to sell some books, I’m going to need a platform too.
Rachel H. Evans’s last blog post..Summer Reading, Sex, and Love
I really like these posts about platform.
I really like that you are brave enough to do what you know to be right.
I really like that you are true to your core values.
I guess let’s just sum it up to say, I really like you Anne Jackson.
Keep doing the good stuff and ignore the silly little things …
Like e-mails asking if you are addicted to FB games.
Keep being awesome!
great thoughts…
@rachel – i love what justin said in the comments yesterday
“It’s the Isaac principle: We don’t want an Ishmael (something birthed out of our own striving), we want an Isaac (something birthed out of a divine promise … God’s timing rather than our own.)”
think that sums it up perfectly!
@aaron – you rock friend!
Ooohh. That Isaac/Ishmael thing is stinkin’ awesome. I’ll be using that–and LIVING that.
It cracks me up that people have to assume that it was something horrible that got you off of FB. I’m glad that I never created an account so that I will never have to worry about falling into “such sins.” :)
Josh’s last blog post..Where the shift begins
Hmmm. I use Facebook to catch up with old friends and even some new ones that I’ve met through blogging. It’s harmless and fun. At least at that level. It would probably be a bummer to accept every friend request because someone anonymously reads your blog. Too bad you couldn’t just start one with just the people in your real life or past friends. You might enjoy the experience a lot more just being a private persona and not Anne Jackson, author, blogger, whatever. I hope this came out right. Not trying to rag ya or tell ya what to do. Peace.
bub’s last blog post..It’s been awhile
Gotta be honest here – saying that the timing of the publication of a book is an act of God rather than an act of a publishing company seems a bit one-sided. I guess I just don’t see things fitting so neatly into “Ishmael” categories and “Isaac” categories. Seems like most of life involves a little bit of both.
It would be insincere for me to say that I only write for the benefit of others or at the prompting of the Spirit. Yes, those things are involved…but I also write because I love to write, because it brings me incredible joy, fulfillment, and pride. I work on my platform because I think I have something good to say, something that might contribute, something I want other people to hear….but also because I would love to make a living doing what I love.
I am hesitant to use phrases like “God’s timing” or “God’s will” because these things have a tendency to correspond with my own timing and my own will, but with an element of spirituality that makes it more difficult to respond to the wise counsel of friends, family, and co-workers who might have some different ideas. If I claim that my book (or my speaking topics or my causes) are God’s ideas…then no one can disagree with what I say.
Just as people sense insincerity when a writer/speaker/activist/preacher has no true character or real relationships behind his or her platform, I think they sense insincerity when a person denies that there are contracts and marketing plans and advertisements and networking and salaries that make it all possible.
Rachel H. Evans’s last blog post..Summer Reading, Sex, and Love
I should read the blogs on my RSS BEFORE I write my posts. If I did, it would save me so much time, I could just say: go to xxxx blog and read what they have to say today. They are saying what I want to say, just better.
Great post!
Peter P’s last blog post..Social Networking – it’s time to plan
@bub – i hope to one day. definitely enjoying the break right now.
@rachel – you’re right…i fully understand the responsibility of, for lack of a better term, promoting a book project. being a couple years into the experience with zondervan myself, and working on a second book, it’s wise to make good business choices.
traditional marketing, (which online marketing is the new traditional it seems) should be approached with discernment. that’s all i am suggesting.
if you haven’t read them yet, i’d highly recommend seth godin’s books purple cow, the dip, tribes, and all marketers are liars. his blog is also extremely valuable in thinking outside traditional marketing.
hope that helps.
I’m in the middle of trying to figure out everything and how all this networking can have a place in my life & build meanigful relationships. Thank you for continuing to address it it’s been a comfort to me in so many ways. I’d like to talk to you about this one on one if you’d be open to it, but no pressure.
Anne: it is for this very reason that I am even struggling with texting. I do not Twitter nor do I currently text but may be “forced” to start. I would prefer to talk to people instead of typing something that could be misunderstood or misread. I do sometimes feel like I am out of the loop but at the same time I feel I have better things to do than carry around my phone and tell people I am going to the bathroom or something else. (That was sarcasm I know. Sorry). But I am realizing to communicate with many of the teens (now that was don’t have a youth pastor) and even my wife who works and is not allowed to use the phone I need to text. Feels like a rock and a hard place. I applaud your discipline and obedience.
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Oh yeah…one more thing: I never have FB and don’t plan to. My home is my sanctuary away from all of that.
bill (cycleguy)’s last blog post..A Pastor’s Speech
Thanks for the response and the suggested reading, Anne. I hope you know I mean no disrespect…it’s a brave new world for all of us, for sure! :-)
Rachel H. Evans’s last blog post..Summer Reading, Sex, and Love
Michele Cushatt, the leader of our writer’s group, shared this with us today. I think it hit us all, in a good way. Thanks for the reminder.
Lucille’s last blog post..Codependency
Sad that people always have to look for the “deep-dark, hidden reason” behind things. Even sadder is people would have loved if there was some juicy gossip behind it. Which to me goes back to character.
I agree here that relationships are important. My wife and I have made a decision to work on our relationship with God 1st, then each other, the kids and the world around us. It works though sometimes friends don;t seem to understand why I want to go home and hang with the family instead of doing something else.
Rick Apperson’s last blog post..5 Questions with Tom Morrisey
FB really only works as a relational tool, anyway so your choice is as logical as Spock’s to join Starfleet. It makes sense.
I enjoy FB because as a local pastor, it helps facilitate where blogs and twitter do not help relationships. Often, people do not expect deep things, but want to stay connected if they are away in college, business trip or whatnot.
Rich Kirkpatrick’s last blog post..Doodle of the Week: Tree Trunk and MISSION!
like this.
Hi Anne, I just started following you recently, so you don’t know me, but this post resounds a lot with me.
Recently I’ve been struggling with the concept of “guarding my heart”…does the whole world need to know everything about me, about what God is showing me, etc.? I’ve made my main blog private, and have limited who can see what on Facebook.
I’ve also taken some time off Facebook to focus on studying for an upcoming board exam. Although it can be good for some things, keeping track of my >400 friends can be time consuming, and isn’t really the best way to communicate. The ones who really care know how to get in touch with me.
So, stick with it…and God bless you!
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Another good post. I actually enjoy facebook very much. I stay away from games and all the strange sending stuff to people and focus on connecting or staying up to date with others. I also only add people who I genuinely would love to share a cup of coffee with or chat or bloggers that I admire or would like to sincerely meet. This keeps my friends list down and since I live so far away from many of my friends, I find facebook a great way to stay in touch……
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I enjoy facebook as well. My extended family uses it to keep in touch so I had no say in the matter, lol. And the emails you received? Honey, please. I wonder if one person’s brutal honesty unsettles the hidden places of others’ own issues. Someone has to ask those hard questions that other emo-cowards avoid.
As for relationships, I see my relationships as something God wants me to steward well for His glory. As long as I see people as gifts from Him, I am less likely to be a jerkette and make it all about me and my wants. The moment we twitterfy our relationship is the moment we lose out on the opportunity to learn from other Christ followers. Iron can’t sharpen iron if the two never touch. Peace.
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We’re being pitched the importance of platform. We’re also being pitched the importance of keywords, Adwords, Adsense and nonsense.
But, it’s not our keywords that count; it’s the words of our mouths and the meditations of ours hearts that can really make a difference.
Thanks for sharing yours, Anne.
Oh, I love the last comment. Iron can’t sharpen iron if they never touch. Wow!
I’ve struggled with facebook, too. What I do love about it is the ability to have (at least) a minimal relationship with old school friends and coworkers, who I would have no contact with otherwise.
Rachel’s last blog post..Well, so much for every day, right?
Anne: You set in motion a series of events that proves to me there are no coincidences. You were put in a path for out reason. And you influence us in the Sr. Pastor Ministry. You have incredible wisdom and “right on” with MCD and it (the book) is changing our lives forever! I LOVE your blogs!!!!! So eternity grateful for you!
Carol’s last blog post..Develop Positivity
Great words of wisdom! I can’t tell you how much of a riot it is to see friend’s faces when I tell them that I’ve never opened a Facebook account and don’t plan to. It’s a squished-up-nose, what’s-wrong-with-you kind of expression. Too funny! I just don’t know how people can possibly connect with their personal sphere of influence when they have so many different accounts on all these social networking sites. I can’t imagine what my grandparent’s would have thought about all of the craziness called relationships in our generation. They would have told me to get in the kitchen, prepare a meal and plan a visit with actual face to face conversation involved.
Amy’s last blog post..Reentry
another great word Anne! thanks for challenging all of us who spend a lot of time online to consider the “how” and the “why” of it! good stuff!!
Guy Chmieleski’s last blog post..life on the market – part vii: coming and going
How can you have an intimate relationship with 100 people???? just sayin. ;)
I was on a panel at BookExpo America this past week about blogging and when asked the difference between new media and traditional media, the answer that flew out my mouth is that new media is about relationships. Building trust networks and smaller community oriented websites is certainly not exclusive to Christianity it’s a trend.
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Anne, I am very new to your blog (seriously, I was ‘introduced’ yesterday, and have been reading through your posts in each minute I can spare). At any rate, it was so validating to read your posts, including this one. I don’t tweet, but I do still use FB. I have about 70 friends, who are all people I know, I’ve met, or, in the case of about 10, are artists whose work I truly admire who asked that we ‘friend’ them. Often I look at people whose profiles boast of more than 500 friends, and I think, ‘how on earth do you keep up with that many people?’. It was so validating of my decision to only link with people I really know to read this. Thank you.
Great great thoughts Anne.
God must be having the same little chat with quite a few of us. I too got sick of facebook and made some drastic changes. Posted a blog(http://tinyurl.com/yga3hsf) this morning about my ongoing adventure regarding relationships not platforms. Thanks for your insight.
MultiChurchDC´s last blog ..“I’ve Got Issues”
I agree that facebook is not suited well towards those in the limelight. But for me, it’s been a great tool for building relationships. My schedule does not allow much time for in-person relationships (I’m a mom with three kids. Who like to talk. And wiggle.) But I deliberately use FB to friend people who I want to friend in real life. Then during the snippets of the day (or after the kids go to bed) I can utilize FB to interact with those people.
Case in point — I’m part of a church plant that includes very diverse people — ones I would not naturally hang out with (that is, if I had gobs of time to “hang out”). But I’ve gotten to know them enough through FB that when I see them on Sunday, we have things to talk about which leads to other things to talk about which leads to a more genuine in-person relationship. One we wouldn’t have had otherwise.
I’m a fan of social media for many reasons–one being when it’s used to build relationships.