Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a few conversations with some friends of mine.? None of them know each other — they’re all living in different parts of the country doing different things.? But all of them have one thing in common:
They’re surrounded by people yet they feel so isolated.? They’re afraid to talk about what’s wrong.
A couple of them are really wrestling with past demons and addictions.? A couple others are having really bad marital problems.? Over lunch, another one told Chris and me that he was filing for divorce from his wife.? Their marriage had no hope.
Christmas time was hard for me (for a variety of reasons that are personal) and I felt isolated…it wasn’t because people were ignoring me, but because of choices I made to isolate myself.? I felt too insecure to share the darkness I was experiencing.
After talking with my friends who were also struggling and thinking about my own reasons for keeping quiet, I just can’t stop thinking about how many of us out there have the happy face on, but are almost hopeless on the inside.? Where, from 9-5 we are productive and joyful enough to not let anyone catch on but the moment we get home we collapse and fall back into the black hole that’s inside of us.
There’s more of us than you think.
I realize posts like this are a wee bit on the melancholy side of things, and that every time I write one I’m guaranteed an email from two people:
1) My mom, who gets worried.
2) The person who questions my spirituality because I wrestle depression.
Please let me address you both.
1) Mom – Just remember the talk we had on my layover in Dallas.
2) Self Righteous Person – You’re one of the reasons we don’t feel comfortable talking about our problems.
Sorry, but it’s true.
After my post about using medication to help with anxiety, someone actually got angry.? Something along the lines of “What do you have to be so depressed about? I can’t read this blog anymore.? I mean I’m worried about you, but there’s seriously something wrong.”
Gee, thanks.
Please pardon me while I curl up into a ball in a corner somewhere.
And feel free to kick me while I’m in that position too.
Galatians 6 has been a Scripture that has been weighing on my heart lately.? Verse 2-3 says:
Share each other?s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.? If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.
If we really carried each other’s burdens like Scripture says, I can’t help but to think that maybe, just maybe…we wouldn’t feel so afraid to talk about those dark areas.? We wouldn’t fear the judgment and criticism of others.? What if we actually look forward to confession because we knew the grace we’d receive, and the restoration that waited for us?
Could you imagine?
I’d like to.? But it’s really really hard.
And that’s what’s depressing, if you ask me.
Related posts:
Anne…i for one love your honesty and openness. I think we’re all looking for that community where we can be us. The real us. Don’t let other people get you down girl! You’re doing your thing and there’s a whole community (or should I say “tribe”) of people who are better believers because of your voice in their life. Be encouraged ma’am…adam
Anne,
Great post…obviously you know that I’m thankful you blog about these things (since it’s a topic I want to interview you about).
I think it’s a travesty that there is such a stigma in the Christian community around depression, anxiety, medication, etc, etc. I have found such amazing freedom in my new role as an MFT therapist vs. my role in church ministry.
I’m finding many church goers in my counseling office telling me things that people in my time as a church pastor would never tell me…and that’s not right.
Thanks for sharing…
Rhett
anne,
I always love reading what you have to say and i really can’t wait till i can get my hands on your book ever since i heard you speak in okc.
i finally took two weeks off over christmas and found that my anxiety and stomach disorders went down. i exercised, ate better, and actually have lost 12 lbs in the last month. now if i could just figure out how to not have to go back to work next week and start the whole routine over again. it’s frustrating to be surrounded by great people but to put so much pressure on yourself to live up to high standards that you make yourself sick or miserable.
thank you for continually showing me that i’m not alone on this journey.
anne…
thanks so much for your honesty. something that is not talked enough about in our churches. we need to get real with ourselves and with one another. life is difficult many times and too often we don’t let others know what’s really going inside our heads/hearts…me included.
be encouraged as you encourage others with your words…
matt
I think…well it doesn’t really matter what I think. What I know is that God never leaves us or forsakes us! I know it sounds trite and I pray you feel the love in that statement, but it’s true. And as a brother in Christ I will continue to remind us all of that. It’s His promise.
“What if we actually look forward to confession because we knew the grace we’d receive, and the restoration that waited for us?”
What a powerful thought that is… how I wish it was true.
So, how do we make that happen? How do I become the kind of person whom people look forward to confessing to because of the grace they will receive?
Anne, I’ve been in that black hole the past several weeks, too — happy face on to go to church or staff meetings or whatever. Walk back in the door and it hits again.
No one has known, until last week when I shared with a couple people. They have been praying and checking up on me, and THANK GOD not judging or questioning my faith.
Thank you. Your transparency is making me a better person.
I love this. Thank you for sharing! I love your posts and always enjoy reading them! You are always real and that is so inspiring! :-)
Ariel
I really wish depression and anxiety – the medical conditions – had a different name. Having depression is not the same as being depressed. Having anxiety is not the same as experiencing anxious thoughts about something.
About a year ago my depression was bad enough that even my best ‘happy face’ couldn’t conceal what was going on. My illness was obvious for everyone to see and have an opinion about. Unfortunately those closest to me in the church didn’t understand and questioned my relationship with God. When I responded that my relationship with God was fine and that I was being as obedient as I knew how to be I was told to examine the fruit in my life.
My depression made getting up out of bed and taking a shower almost too challenging of a task to accomplish. I needed medication to treat an illness, not repentance in order to have better fruit. I also needed love and compassion and mercy but was given accusations instead.
I pray that somehow the social stigma that is attached to depression and anxiety will be done away with. Now that I’m healthy again, I’m even beginning to ask God if He would use me in this area of ministry.
The pain of depression is compounded exponentially when in a time of weakness one hears that the only reasonable explanation must be sin separating the one suffering from God.
Thank you for talking openly about this.
now I’m depressed – just kidding!
i think you have just written the absolutely most mature. prophetic, dynamic, heart felt, and God given words you have ever written……as emma states above
i have never really cared if we agree (surprise, surprise) but i just wanna say thanks for having the guts and maturity to write it, say it, and live it
as for the ugly comments made to you on your previous depression subject post – those types of folks are what really, really depress me! it’s one thing to argue/discuss theology and blonde highlights :) but to anon kick someone down on their blog while they are hurting is way below satan in my book
Anne,
I so appreciate your openness and honesty. Thank you for your gift of writing and discernment.
I feel your pain – literally. I got out of bed at noon yesterday. I think we (and many others) have lots in common. The enemy wants us to feel isolated and ashamed. I’m reading a brand new book right now called “Grace for the Afflicted”. Check it out.
Girl, I think we could compare trial and error notes all afternoon. How do you handle getting out of a place where you feel “stuck”? I tend to be too analytical, and therefore, frozen. One reason I look forward to next few weeks.
I don’t expect an answer, just validating the anticipation for next sermon series. Who comes up with these ideas? They are very relevant and touching to me. I am a concept person, and would love to observe how Cross Point arrives at the decisions that are made, in regards to the message. It seems as if you are utilizing a research firm, which I doubt that you do.
If you are keeping track of member involvement, relevancy is my #1 reason to return each week. Plus, I have to add that community involvement, ranks a #1 also. Before I had ever heard of Cross Point, I had been involved with Safe Haven.
Perhaps you could direct me towards a one of the groups that are forming soon. If I were a 747 pilot, I could retire on the time I have spent in church. Yet I have issues. Pete mentioned Sunday to make God your first priority in life. I must admit that I will have difficulty with this direction. Maybe my faith is not where it needs to be, but I have always been self-reliant, with mixed results.
Sorry to have laid so much on you. Your courage has given me courage to face my own demons and get on a positive track.
Thanks again.
Bill Chappell
hallelujah, Anne. You said the unsayable, again. I’ve been wondering about whether the church takes soul care as seriously as it should and blogged about it this very week. Our responsibility to help each other through the dark times is extraordinary. It makes the difference between a fruitful, faithful believer and one living at less than their potential. In addition to Galatians 6, I always think of 2 Cor. 1:6 whether our very suffering is meant for encouraging, strengthening and reviving another. We can’t be scared to confess. And for God’s glory, we can’t be afraid of reaching out. You are brave, brave, brave. Keep at it. I’m praying for you.
I, too, have serious anxiety problems, but have felt ashamed to get on medication for it because I thought it made me an inferior Christian. You’ve now convinced me to get on medication. My wife and children thank you in absentia.
Anne,
I have never struggled with depression or really feeling like I wanted to withdraw and curl up in a fetal position. But as a pastor I have known those who have and do. I used to be rather judgmental, okay legalistic, and be condescending on those who couldn’t control their emotions and just “shrug it off.” Then I went through burn out (caused in large part by my legalism) and made some bad choices (caused in large part by my arrogance) along the way and can no longer look at others through the magnifying glass of “you are a bad sinner and take meds and i cannot believe you would call yourself a Christ follower. Whew! Glad I don’t do that!” I have seen people whom I love dearly struggle with bi-polar and pray desperately to be relieved of that “demon.” When people need help I believe that God gave doctors as well as His own healing power. I no longer see going to a doctor as a “lesser faith” but a “I need help coming to grips with this.” Just yesterday someone told me he was going to a counselor to get help for his OC. Does he want to be that way? No. Has he prayed for help? Yes. I can’t judge him. I can’t judge you. I can’t judge anyone. Only ONE can and has the right to do that. I ain’t Him. Bless you Anne for your honesty. I would much rather spend my time with broken people like you and me and others than self-righteous hypocritical Pharisees who see their way as the only way. Sorry for the rant. Just this: you keep staying sensitive to the Holy Spirit and what He tells you to blog or speak. Never mind the critics.
Amen, sistah.
I’ve wrestled with depression since high school, and I think that a feeling of isolation and condemnation is a root cause of why I dove into depression. Which caused me to isolate and condemn myself even more. Which made me even more depressed. Which caused more isolation. Ugh. It is ugly.
What if the spiral could go the other way? Someone else reaches out to a person feeling isolated and condemned, encouraging and building them up. Which causes them to be more authentic and less afraid to reach out themselves when they are feeling isolated and condemned again. Which leads to more encouragement. Which leads to more reaching out, and even reaching out to others that they see feeling isolated.
I’ve developed depression over the past year. I didn’t know until a couple of weeks ago what was wrong. I think it’s been The Un-nameable Thing for me because it hasn’t been so severe that I can’t function (or hide it when needed).
It has robbed me of my joy, changed my personality, taken my memory/brain and made me isolate myself (among other things).
I’m recovering from an eating disorder (that was in place to control my fear and emotions). There are a very small handful of people at my church that know about either issue.
How are you supposed to tell people though? My closest friends and accountability girls know, but who else really needs to know? Yet I know both diseases feed on secrecy.
Anyway, this is what I think about. Thank you for being brave enough to talk about depression in a public place as a Christian.
Tell the person who sends e-mail #2 to take the plank out of his eye, and I can’t even think of something mean enough for them to do with it. Fill in the blank insult :)
I’ve never been clinically diagnosed, but from time to time I do clearly get depressed. Don’t know if it is hormonal or seasonal, or what, but for whatever reason, I occasionally get “the blues”. There will be no basis in my circumstances – I could be down yet having everything perfect. At the same time, times like right now, I am happy for no good reason. I actually have a whole bunch of weights on me right now, that would perhaps discourage a lot of people. Yet I am unreasonably happy right now.
Apart from those ups and downs, I think that a sure non-medicinal cure for a lot of what you have said is right in the feeling itself. Isolation is combatted by companionship. Community. Intimacy.
I don’t argue that some people really do need pharmaceutical help for their thorns, but I think in many if not most cases, isolation and depression are symptomatic of the way we live our lives and the lifestyle imposed upon us by culture and city life. Man was not meant to live in cities, believe it or not. There are real scientific studies that demonstrate the mental and physical health consequences of living in cities.
At the same time, man was not meant to live in the little individualistic boxes that the media and corporations and to a lesser degree, socialist government wants us to live. These powers want us all isolated consumers, without any recourse but to consume, or turn to the government for aid. If we rely on each other, we do not give power to the government, or to whatever producer “solves” our problem by our purchase.
I am not saying these are all your problem, but for a lot of depressives, it is. But back to my thesis – community, genuine intimacy, as described by that verse you just shared at the end of your post, is what the Bible prescribes. I frequently become amazed at just how rare my church is in how we as a body relate together and do exactly that. It gives me a boost of encouragement every time I realize this rarity because it gives me a reason to move forward with dream God has given me of planting a church. I pray that I can replicate and perhaps even increase the levels of intimacy and support that the community gives to one another – “they will know you are Christians by your love, one for another”.
The real challenge, I think, is convincing people of the damage they are really doing to themselves by allowing the world to teach them that spirit of individualism, of isolation, is actually a good and desireable thing. Being an island, entire of yourself, actually brings pain, not satisfaction. Living in love, with others who love you, and looking to Christ as the model for your love together – what could be better than that?
I appreciate your post. I think it is SO important to be authentic with where one is at. God has convicted me over and over with this in my walk. He has asked me to share my journey with others over and over. I came from a pretty dark place, full of sin. Found Jesus, He transformed me, and then I wanted to just look like all the other glittery people at church, shiny shoes, shiny smiles. When He put it on my heart, haunted me and didn’t let up I decided it was best to just go the path He was directing me. I shared my testimony with my large church and I was unsure that anyone would ever welcome me again. The opposite was true and many since then have come to me to confess sin or share their struggles. Before I shared where I was at it really mattered what others thought of me, once God brought me to the point of being brave and looking that fear straight in the face and pushing forward it seems that He released me from what others thought about me. He just calls me to do just what your post talks about share others burdens and share mine with them so we can just be real with each other.
It sounds cliche, but rejoice if you are persecuted by others for following where God is calling you. Following His call on your life is more important than allowing negative comments take root. I appreciate the candidness of your blog and your conviction to share as i know that it helps others who suffer from depression and the guilt of how to deal with it. Shine on sister.
I loved this Anne. And I loved how you just speak the truth sometimes, even if it isn’t the easiest thing to do. It has always boggled my mind when someone will literally drop kick a person when they are going through a hard time. I truly believe that those who judge and are critical of those going through pain have their own issues that they must deal with. I agree with one commenter above. If they send an email again, tell them to look at themselves first before they start questioning your faith and spirituality.
Anne, as our family has coped with depression, I have struggled with anxiety and our church has walked through tragedy and disaster, I have learned that this brokenness births compassion andwisdom and maturity in us that can be greatly used by God and perhaps could be gained no other way. I don’t ever want to go through another three years like I’ve just experienced, but I do know without a doubt that I am a different person in a very positive way because I have been broken. I now say I am “beautifully broken” although I didn’t always feel that way about it!
I will pray for you my sister, that God will meet you where you are and that He will birth great treasure out of these dark moments of your life. This scripture has spoken to me.. Isaiah relays a message to Cyrus that is recorded in the book of Isaiah. This is a verse I’ve looked at time and time again as I’ve felt it’s reality. “And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I Am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.” (Isaiah 45:3)
I’ve felt many kinds of defeat, some of which were very public and humiliating and of absolutely no fault of my own but as a result of the actions of others. Even these events have worked out for my good. Yet walking through the intense pain is not something I would ever choose.
I encourage you today Anne to be yourself and to press into God just for you, not because you are an author or speaker and not because you are on staff, but just for you. I will pray for you on this journey through the darkness, that Jesus will indeed be the Light of your world, your Sunrise (Luke 1).
I’m right down the road and I have dealt with some of the things you mention. If you need to discuss email me and we’ll get together. It would be an honor to pray with you.
A book that gave me some insight on this was Parker Palmer’s “Let Your Life Speak”…..
Knowing you have to be careful what you post because your mom worries = priceless. It’s my mom, grandma, and aunts with me!
Another great post girl! I can definitely relate.
Anne, loved the post, but I can’t help but wonder if the “Self Righteous” person was a type A extrovert? : ) Not that I don’t love type A extroverts, but they have a hard time understanding us INFJ’s.
I too struggle with depression and can get down in a hurry. Last year at this time I was in a HUGE dark hole and had no idea how I was going to get out of it. I’d also like to point out I was going to church, had a good prayer life, was involved in several ministries and have a great job. But, I was depressed! Thankfully I found a great counselor, have wonderful friends who love me, have a supportive wife who gave me time to heal, and have a family physician who was able to find the right prescription to help the chemical imbalance taking place in my body at the time.
As far as the comment about carrying each other’s burdens and sharing about the dark areas in our life, here’s what Rob Bell said in a sermon on September 24, 2008.
“If church isn’t the place above any other place where you can be as honest and raw about the actual junk in your life, then I don’t want anything to do with church. If church doesn’t lead the way in being the kind of place where you can be transparent and honest about your struggles then it isn’t church.”
“If this time and this ritual, with this tribe of people, isn’t the kind of place where you can actually reflect and you can actually go into the most dark painful places and you can have people come around you and carry you, then we’re just pretending.” – Rob Bell.
And I tend to agree with his statements!
Hope you don’t mind a little blog pimping on my part, but I’ve also written some articles sharing similar thoughts that others might enjoy reading. Search categories
(Addictions, Christians, Depression)
http://www.retread.wordpress.com
Ok, I’m just going to let it fly. I apologize in advance for being so passionate about what I am about to say, but this is a subject that has come up frequently for several of my friends lately.
I am SO SICK AND TIRED of Christians persecuting other Christians who suffer from depression!
Honestly, all it does is show their ignorance and LACK OF EDUCATION.
Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain… it is not just “feeling sad” or “feeling blue,” or “being lazy!” It has nothing at all to do with whether or not they appreciate the blessings they have been given.
One can have all the external blessings in the world — good job, money, love, children, security — and still suffer from this chemical imbalance.
One does not have a choice whether or not they are depressed any more than I have a choice that my thyroid does not produce enough T3 or T4.
YES, I do believe that God can heal us from depression.
I ALSO believe that He can heal us from diabetes, from heart disease, from cancer… but He is sovereign.
Just as I know that He CAN heal me of my hypothyroidism or diabetes, I also know that He may not (for reasons I may never know).
Would you crucify me also for taking thyroid meds? Why not? It’s a chemical imbalance in my body that causes hypothyroidism. What’s the difference?
Would you criticize me for taking medication for diabetes? Or if I suffered from any other form of chemical imbalance?
Honestly, who gave you the authority to judge anyone?
You did not have ANY say in how or where you were born, the color of your skin, the social status or income of your parents, OR the genetic illnesses that run in your family.
NOTHING you did — at any point in your life or before your birth — affected any of that.
It was the luck of the draw and/or God’s good grace & timing.
So how dare you or anyone judge someone else for something you were BLESSED to not struggle with?
A chemical imbalance is a chemical imbalance.
If a brain produces too little serotonin, dopamine, and/or norepinephrine, it is no more Anne’s fault than if her thyroid stopped producing T3 or her pituitary stopped producing growth hormone.
Seriously, all you “Christian critics” need to get off your high horses and get an education.
Moreover, you need to learn that GRACE is what our very salvation is based upon, so how about offering a little to your fellow man?
Rant/Over.
BTW, I do acknowledge that my rant above is not aimed at anyone in particular (well, except maybe that person that said such a horrible thing to you before) — but I just felt the need to say all that “out loud,” so to speak because you are right, Anne; this IS a problem!
And I have 2 very good friends who refuse to get medical treatment for their depression because the “Church” keeps telling them not to… Very sad.
Anyway, I apologize if I came across a little strong.
Thanks for writing this despite your fears Anne.
I can’t even imagine someone being so hateful to you. I am so sorry. And, I will be praying that you and your friends won’t have that feeling of isolation. There is nothing that will kill the work of the enemy faster than saying things out loud! I’ll be praying that you will always have someone in your life to ‘bounce’ stuff off of and not feel isolated!
I find it sad that while the church and Christians should be the safest place to go with our struggles, often that is the place we find the harshest judgment. Christ embodied vulnerability and authenticity, forgiveness and mercy. We are called to do the same. Makes me long for heaven where we will all have perfect community!
I just have to say I loved your paragraph:
“If we really carried each other’s burdens like Scripture says, I can’t help but to think that maybe, just maybe…we wouldn’t feel so afraid to talk about those dark areas. We wouldn’t fear the judgment and criticism of others. What if we actually look forward to confession because we knew the grace we’d receive, and the restoration that waited for us?
Could you imagine?”
I CAN imagine, because I have recently joined a moms group at my church that encourages this very thing. I’m SO thankful I have a few women that I can call & tell them anything. They don’t look down on me, but rather pray with me. I love to practice the Scripture in James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to one another & pray for each other so that you may be healed.” As the previous poster said, there is power in the spoken confession!
I am in the same situation right now. In the middle of serious–most likely fatal—marital issues and a church full of people I dont’ feel comfortable sharing with. The times I have shared I get pat answers (things will get better, trust the Lord, or an uncomfortable glance and quick exit). I understand the fear—-it’s hard to know what to say when people are experiencing challenges. But out of my church of over 500, only one person has said, “I will pray for you, and no matter what happens and what choices you make, I will be your friend.” That statement lifted my burden tremendously. I wish we (myself included) could extend grace and judgement free prayer when people face hard times.
I loved the Rob Bell quotes above…I heartily agree. I know that my relationship with the Lord is secure, but sometimes the evidence of Him comes in places far away from “church”. I’ve distanced myself from church because I want real, authentic relationships with people and I can’t seem to break through the candy coating to get to the chocolate inside.
thanks for a great post!
I bear your burden upon my heart tonight…..and I write in tears….
LOVE this post.
Holidays are hard on a ton of people, including us Christians.
We are only human.
Thanks for talking about the hard stuff.
Hi Anne,
I read your blog frequently and love it. I go to Crosspoint too. I just had to come out of the shadows of blog-lurking just now to say, wow, thank you so much for this blog. You give me hope that perhaps the church can be a different place than what I and others have experienced many times. Thank you for sharing your (real) heart.
Thanks for your honesty- I think it will help so many people to see your honesty and hopefully they will in turn share their thoughts and feelings with someone.
As to the ignorant person that questioned your relationship with God: They are just what i said, ignorant. I can’t stand when people are like that…they accuse and put down instead of encourage and uplift! I will definitely be praying for you…thanks again for being so honest and inspiring.
Anne Jackson, I think you’re the bees knees.
Of course I meant “bee’s” knees.
So many double standards in how we treat each other. We say one thing but our actions often tell another story.
We say we want to be real and want others to be real with us but when that gets messy we often judge and condemn.
We say we want people to be valued based on who they are and not on what they do but then we perpetuate the cycle by driving people to perform and treating those deemed “successful” by worldly standards different than someone else.
We say we want to accept others but yet we’re continuously forming our own closed cliques that cause outsiders to feel they can’t step near them.
We want grace extended to us but have a hard time extending it to others when that extension gets in the way of something we want.
We live in a society where people are more concerned with outward appearances and how they are perceived than who they really are… but why would it be any other way? When we are honest we often get burned. When we speak up to someone they judge and even if they understand they treat us in a different way (maybe not to our faces but they still do).
The irony is often that those who judge are dealing with similar junk or some other junk all together.
Doesn’t make much sense why we can’t be more transparent and supportive of one another.
Moms are awesome!
Screw self-righteous person who kicks a gal while she’s down. Excuse me, but I’m chock FULL of hormones and ready to stab someone. But, seriously, that is wrong. Just know there are more who love you with genuine sisterly (and brotherly) love and who accept you, Anne Jackson, for the flawed human being you are. We’re in this together, girl. All of us.
Praying for you.
Anne, your blog is a place of refuge for me a lot at the moment. I love it that people can be real in a safe place and I think most of us are not wallowing in self-pity – we genuinely want to be better and do better.
Since my accident it’s been very interesting being around Christians (to the point where I start to avoid them after a while… shhh don’t tell anyone). One of the symptoms of a mild brain injury can be depression as well as anxiety etc due to a change in your brain chemicals. If I even mention that I might be stuggling in that area it gets squashed down so quickly I can’t believe it. For me I don’t want to have to go on anti-depressents and luckily I seem to be ok now so I probably won’t need them. But I had a bump to my head and my brain’s chemicals don’t work like they used to (I’m also a very cheap drunk and get blotto after one glass of wine – there is definitely something going on in my brain) so it’s not even like other people who get depression. But when I was actually worried I might not stay safe and struggling every day to have the energy to do anything I got some pretty condenming treatment. I actually got asked if I couldn’t just think myself better by someone the other day!!!! That was what I did to start off with and it actually prolonged my injury and I’m not sure that thinking yourself better is entirely biblical anyway!
The upside, when I was talking to a friend the other day who struggles with depression quite bad I was able to give some advice and talk about how going to God first is really helping my anxiety issues – and that I wasn’t just saying that… I’m having to really learn to do it. So I get to speak from my experience and not just use cliches which hopefully should help others in the future too.
Thanks for the honesty! I’m 51 years old and have struggled with depression since I was 12. Did the booze/drugs/self-destructive thing for years. Found the Lord at age 29. Still battle depression, but at least I’m sober when I do! : ) Can’t stand it when Mr or Ms Self-Righteous questions my salvation or tell me I don’t have faith…Bless their pointed little heads anyway!
Can’t wait for the book!
God bless!
Hi Anne!
I just found your blog yesterday…as a result of the Perry Noble/Tony Morgan video conference thing.
I read some past posts and I love your stuff.
I’ve got 2 twin daughters who are college freshmen this year and both have had psychotic breaks (bi-polar disorder) within the last 2 months. They are wonderful young followers of Christ and they will be on meds for the rest of their lives.
Anyway, from a church planter who is on anti-depressants and ADD meds, I bless you!! Of course, I’m probably not spiritual enough to bless others. ;-)
Anne, thanks for sharing your heart. I admire your honesty and bravery to speak truth. If only being a Christ follower meant not experiencing pain. But, we all (should) know it does not.
Love you, girl, all of you – just as you are….
You should read “Undercurrents” by Martha Manning. This is one of my favorite pieces:
“When you’re depressed, everyone has an opinion about what you should do. People seem to think that not only are you depressed, you are also stupid. . . People hear the word depression and figure that since they’ve felt down or blue at some point in their lives, they are experts, which is like assuming that because you’ve had a chest cold, you are now qualified to treat lung cancer. . .
In the old days I could shake it off and gently refuse it. . . All their helpful comments imply that if I’d only do ______, my problems would be solved. Like its all within my grasp, able to be managed and mastered, if only I would try harder, longer, better. As I nod my head in polite and pathetic appreciation for their input, I scream inside, “Shut up. Shut up. Unless you’ve been lost in this particular section of hell yourself, don’t you dare try to give me directions.”
I think her struggle as a psychologist (the one who is expected to help others) facing her own helplessness parallels how many Christians struggle with our own imperfection and inability to “fix” ourselves.
Hey Anne Chan,
Thanks for the honesty. I know it sounds cliche, but I desperately wish that all Christians would be so open and honest.
I wish we could confess our “black holes” to trusted Believers and not have any reluctance to do that, no matter how “black” it may be.
Thanks for setting a great example for us.
“Self Righteous Person – You’re one of the reasons we don’t feel comfortable talking about our problems.
Sorry, but it’s true.”
That’s hitting the nail squarely on the head right there…
I agree that people should be able to take meds for their depression. Stress happens to everyone.
BTW, there is something wrong with you. (I would put a smiley face, but I am against them now)
Anne- As always I’m here for anything you need, but also understand the privacy and intimacy that come with depression. Although I have not been blessed with depression I have helped a number of people that cope with this health issue everyday and report that this is the most “spiritual” time of their lives. They may not see that at the time, but acknowledge that at the “lowest” time of their lives and with intense feelings of being alone and not being loved or cared for…to the point of even suicidal ideations, or driven to helplessness because something is “wrong” but they just don’t know what it is or how to fix it they still know that God is there, or report that they feel alone, but not completely alone. It’s disheartening to think that the Christian community (myself included at times…although I am challenged everyday to rethink my thinking) present the impression that God only wants to be involved in the “happy” times and that he is not here to carry us through these dark times or bless us when we struggle or stumble or fall. When did humanity become perfect enough to where we don’t need to depend on God for everything? When did our salvation become based on how happy we are or how little we struggle with things? It amazes me that someone that has been diagnosed with diabetes is seen any differently then someone that has been diagnosed with depression or anxiety or any number of mental health diagnosis. Diabetes, like depression requires medication…sometime for the rest of your life, sometimes not. Diabetes like depression can be triggered by a life situation or not…you can be pre-dispositioned and not even know it until it happens. Diabetes, like depression is a daily struggle. You have to take your blood sugar everyday, several times a day, you have to watch what you eat and you have to take your medication if needed. So….to the self-rightous I say, “Just because diabetes is a physical issue and not a mental issue does that mean a diabetic is more spiritual?” Equally they are both daily stuggles that thankfully God understands completely even if we don’t. Wonderful topic! Continue to blog and talk and whatever you feel driven to do and just remember I got your back! :)
I’ve sat and thought about my response to this post for awhile. Depression and. Anxiety are things that we AS THE CHURCH need to talk about more. I deal with almost crippling anxiety and panic attacks. Most of my closest friends didn’t even know until this week when the darkness got to be too much for me and I melted down. Instead of the rejection I expected, I got a listening ear, a meal, a bed to sleep in for a couple nights so I wouldn’t have to be alone… In short it was everything I needed but not at all what I expected. Now I know I don’t have to walk alone. I have friends that know my dark hole and are commited to pray with me till this dark hole is gone from my life. And if I decide medication is the right thing for me, then they’ll support me.
Wow! I’ve written a book.
And I haven’t said half of what I wanted to say…
Love you and praying for you Anne!
The shadow continues to prove the sunshine. I dont believe we would recognize all the blessings out there without the hardships even when they are as fierce as someone questioning you
Hi, Anne! I’m a lurker and appreciate your candid discussion of “taboo” topics withing the church. Just wanted to say that transparency is always better than pretending to have it all together…at least that’s what Jesus seemed to say. I’m on staff at a churh as well and have found that the “church” is the reason a lot of Christians don’t feel comfortable being themselves. We often speak of grace but seldom offer it. The problem is huge…too huge to be solved quickly.
But, I believe it starts with me. I take a long hard look at me and find the areas where I too am self-righteous and judgmental (because, let’s face it, there is not a human alive who doesn’t struggle with that one!). I seek forgiveness. I rely on God to help me be completely transparent even if it cost me criticism. I also need His help to offer grace to those who have the courage to share their struggles with me. But I have to be willing to offer grace to those who can’t seem to offer grace to me. And, most days, I don’t!! So, like most “church problems” I am able to see so clearly, at the end of much discussion and prayer, God almost always points back to me as step one in the solution.
Thanks for keeping it real!
Okay, first of all there is something wrong with all of us!
I totally appreciate your honesty – find it completely refreshing to most people who try to pretend “everything is okay” – all the time.
Shame on the person who left you that comment.
Moms worry. It’s our favorite pastime. ;)
Thanks for being you, Anne – even though I don’t know you personally, I look forward to reading your blog each day!
My adult daughter has battled mental issues for over a decade. She has unswervingly supported my talking openly about her journey, in hopes of bringing it our of the closet.
I am always baffled why so many will quickly chastise me for publicly speaking of it. They feel that they are gallantly coming to her defense by trying to silence me. They clearly feel they are doing the chivalrous thing by protecting her privacy. The reverse is true. By trying to cork my blog posts or mouth, they are shaming and isolating her.
The worship and creative arts community that she serves in at church has been loving, pursuing and caring. I credit their determination to not isolate her, as one of the key ‘meds’ of her therapy. They have chosen not to shame each other but to embrace each other and all of the various issues that each is walking though.
Anne,
Speaking of mothers… My mother has lived in “the dark” all my life. That’s 40 plus years. Each day she gets up, prays, reads her Bible, and yet there is still the dark. And yes, she has been on meds too. I don’t claim to understand it all… but I know that I love my mother beyond words.
Almost a year ago now – I spoke/taught on depression at a retreat. What saddened me more than any thing was the number of women there who were on staff for churches who didn’t feel like they could honestly share about their “dark.” What a sweet release they had in being able to pour out their hearts and empty their minds for even an brief period of time! I received great pushback from individuals who thought I had no business speaking and teaching and really even beginning to talk about it like I did. They’re still mad because I have not remained silent about it since that time.
If we are to be the church – we must simply be willing to accept each other wherever we are at! After all Jesus does… there is NONE greater than He.
Much love woman and as always – you have been prayed for as well as all who may read and/or comment here!
I stumbled across your blog and have been reading past posts and about your book, etc for the past few weeks. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teen and like many others didn’t have a name for it until I was curled up and couldn’t move and realized that there was something more wrong that a little sadness. It is a HUGE stigma within the church, christian community and even my own family thinks I shouldn’t not be taking medication for it. I can pray all day and walk with my Father and my relationship can be great, but that doesn’t mean that my illness should be healed! I can’t understand how we can get around this but it has to be okay to talk about it, admit we suffer from it and take medication to control it – who are we to judge others.
I still struggle with finding peace and not feeling those judgmental stares from the people that “disagree” with me and my course of treatment. Do you really think I want to continue to take medication to cope with my daily life????? My counseling is going well and I hope that I can wean off some of what I take but I am also assured that my God is bigger than any stigma from taking medication or any amount of condemnation from others. I hope and pray that your openess and ability to speak and write about this freely will empower others.
God Bless You!
Anne, I’ve thought about this alot as this has been a hard week for me. I’ve felt very overwhelmed and inadequate.
I think being in any type of ministry also makes me feel isolated, but I feel it even more as a woman in ministry leadership. Some days I just want a friend who really gets it all and doesn’t tell me how to “fix it”. The heaviness of what we are called to do plus the absolute pain we see and deal with day in and day out is hard and sometimes knowing all that is isolating in and of itself for me. Can’t talk about it, can’t blog about it, just have to sit with it – and that takes a toll on me.
Not a fix in any way, but something I’ve encountered as a minister that I never expected.
Anne, I was attracted to your blog BECAUSE you talk about the things many of us are afraid of. I wish I felt the freedom to do the same but if I did I would hurt a few people close to me. Or maybe I just don’t want to clear the air with them first before revealing my feelings to the masses. Perhaps if Christians would be more willing to accept depression as a real issue, more Christians would be able to receive the hope and light of help instead of crawling farther into the hole.
Hi Anne:
I know you are hurting. Christians or “the Church” should not label people. That’s my soapbox. If, by the grace of God, there go I. You are so brave sharing, and I thank you for feeling safe. You’re the best! Can’t wait to get your book!
Thanks for being so transparent, precious, and tremendous love for manking (& womankind) in all you do!!!!!!!
Oooops – that’s supposed to be “mankind” in that last sentence.
I have led such a sheltered existence.
I thank God that I have always been in independent churches which love God and love each other (almost) unconditionally.
It grieves me to hear that Christians experience attacks and persecution from other Christians over real life issues.
I’m sorry the Church in your experience has been nothing like what it’s supposed to be. Please believe that there are many of us out here who will love and accept you without condemnation.
Anne,
I understand what you mean as I struggle with the exact same feelings much of the time. I came across what I felt to be a good article on Christians and depression; http://www.sharingthevictory.com/vsItemDisplay.lsp&objectID=1D097539-158C-4998-9A47400933E65011&method=display
Thought that I would pass that along.
Great post!!!
I came here from Angie Smith’s blog
This is my first time. I can’t wait to read more
Thank for being real and allowing Jesus to be present here as you deal with life, not the pretty outside stuff, but the hard stuff, when we are beyond blue, or so alone in a room full of those we love, or in church yet on an island…. thanks for being Jesus here on earth in your blog
thank you for this.
The American Christian Culture is filled with judgmental and hypercritical beliefs. To assume that once a person receives Christ as their Savior that they are somehow free of ever sinning again is naive. We live in a broken world and for lack of a better description @!#$ happens. We have the hope for Heaven where depression and sin no longer exists, but we are not there yet. So in the mean time yes Christians do suffer from depression, sickness, anxieties, temptation, sin, etc. Even ministers are mere humans and they too are not exempt from sin or temptation. The only difference b/w someone who does not have a relationship with Christ and one who does is the gift of hope. Hope inspires and gives life to an ending of all sin and evil and that hope only comes from Christ.
Why do Christians shoot down their own? I just don’t get it. When your sister or brother in Christ is suffering the first reaction should be love. God is the judge, not me, not you , and not anyone on this planet. God is our judge. Let Him judge for He sees the very depths of our darkness and gives us hope to overcome.
Anne,
Thank you for your post. I am feeling the same way. I can function when it comes to my job, but I too, curl up when I get home and have no motivation to do anything. I have been on several different meds over the last year, with varying degrees of success. But it is still a daily struggle. Thank you for vocalizing for those of us who struggle to do that.
what you said is what I have often wished I was brave enough to say. I am a Christian, I work in full-time ministry & yes, I have bad days when I wish I could just walk away from it all… it seems that most folks have the idea that my life should be “perfect” and a constant “spiritual high” because I don’t hold a “secular” job and don’t have to work with unbelievers… because, if they didn’t have to deal with those things wouldn’t their lives be happy & perfect!
while my depression (wow, I can’t believe I actually used that word referring to myself) is occasionally linked to my spiritual life being off-kilter, it sometimes strikes me in the midst of “happy times” like the holidays – it is not always “predictable”, but certainly worse when I’m exhausted or stressed.
thank you for prompting me to consider all this, and to know that I’m not “alone” in struggling with these things, that it’s not a sign that I’m “going to hell in a hand basket”… just that I feel like I am… sometimes…
I can’t imagine Jesus would ever chide you or scold you for struggling with depression. The truth is that we are all flawed, imperfect people. We all struggle with different burdens, weights, sins. But, He loves us all the same. And we are commanded to love one another as we love ourselves. We should be ready to encourage you, prepared to pour out love on you, and willing to lift you up to Jesus. All I can say is, God forgive those who judge, cruelly criticize (without love), and turn away from their brothers and sisters because of their humanity. God forgive all of us…
Not by chance I think, I read this a few minutes ago on http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2009/01/mourning-and-dancing.html
“For in our suffering, not apart from it, Jesus enters our
sadness, takes us by the hand,
pulls us gently up to stand, and invites us to dance.
We find the way to pray, as the psalmist did,
“You have turned my mourning into dancing” (Ps 30:11),
because at the center of our grief
we can find the grace of God.”
(excerpt from Henri Nouwen’s “Turn My Mourning Into Dancing”)
Yes, Jesus loves us even in the midst of our suffering. He meets us where we are to restore joy unto us…even dancing..
as i was re-reading these posts today i was overwhelmed with the simple fact that colleen stated above.
i thank my God and Saviour that He loves all of us imperfect people, every day, no matter what or how imperfect we are. He knew/knows we are all imperfect and He still created us all and died for each end every one of us – no exceptions!
i’m not throwing this out here to be judgmental or play god doctor to anyone. it just hit me this morning square in the eyes and needed to shout it out – God loves you! i know He does ’cause if He can love me, He can love you!
hey anne,
i have been reading your blog for some time now i almost didn’t write but i was trying to respond to your up coming visit to Irvine and because i could not get my rsvp sent i was prometed to respond. i pick this post as i have let depression and fear keep me from so many things in life looking forward to seeing you in Irvine. thanks for all you blog posts over this last year of reading , a sister in christ
I know that I got here by God. I have been in a dark place for a month now and can’t seem to get out. I picked up a book at my church library and it was Whn Joy Came to Stay by Karen Kingsbury talking about depression and how as church people we have masks on…that is me… then when reading my blogs I was directed you yours for your book comming out in Feb. and I noticed that you had a section about depression and so I stared reading. Thank you for being so honest with the #2 person. They are one of the reasons for my mask. I don’t know why I am in the dark place but will keep trying to get out of it. Thank you for being so honest and I know that I am not the only one out here…i am not alone.
not only am I not alone, but a friend recognized my comment above… I am both embarrassed & relieved, funny how honesty will put you in a place where you can feel both simultaneously :~)
Sometimes we feel like the big steps we take should make us feel heroic, on the human side of things. Leaving my salary, church family, and ‘job’ as youth pastor to help plant a new church to reach new people…. wasn’t comfortable…. but at the very least, I thought it would feel heroic.
Never felt so unheroic and alone. Phone calls, texts, comments, and emails from friends and students dropped off dramatically. Things that I semi-expected, but never really believed would become true… if it makes any sense.
Interesting that it happens to be one of the most incredible/unforgettable growth points in my life. Many days, I feel kicked in a corner, too, yet I will walk away with the best year of my life.
I don’t share much. Only did because you guys did. :-)
I agree with Maria in post #66. I have been a victim of depression for many years and I need medication to function. I don’t apologize for that but use it as encouragement for others that feel that black hole of depression.
I went through a divorce almost 2 years ago and I too suffered at the hands of hypercritical Christians with whom I had once shared my life with. It hurts to be “shot” by ones own. But thanks to God who is the same, I am a survivor with a wonderful relationship with my Lord and Savior. However, I am VERY ‘gun-shy’ of organized churches now. When I go to bed at night, it is between God and me and His word, not what someone thinks should happen or how things should be.
I am truly so proud of you for speaking forward the truth that so many people need to hear. The church is suppose to be a place of grace and unconditional love. This is a serious area in the church that needs to be addressed from the pulpit. Many pastors are afraid because they have family members or co-workers that suffer from all kinds of mental illness and they take medication. So many of them are afraid of what people would think of them if they found out.
The previous pastor wife of our church before I even attended, was run out of town because she had a mental breakdown. About a year later she ended her life in her nightclothes in her car on a railroad track early on morning as the daily train blew through her town. This death did not have to happen. We need to start loving people who hurt and allow them to get the medication and counseling they need without them feeling less then a Royal Child of Our Living God.
Oh, if we could only see and love people the way that His unconditional love does! We couldn’t build churches big enough to contain all the people who would come for fellowship, acceptance, freedom of being fake, true healing, grace and love. Let’s leave the judging to Jesus. The Scripture says, “Who am I to judge another’s servant?” The only thing was are allowed to judge is a person’s fruit to see if they are habitually breaking God’s commandments so that we could loving try to bring them to a heart knowledge of knowing who Jesus really is. It is not to sort the “good” and “bad” people.