Archive for December, 2007
i know, i know, i had to pick 7…lame. :)
7. when something good happens, don’t try and figure out why. just accept it!
6. writing a book is really really hard work.
5. just when you think you’re comfortable, get ready for stuff to shake up!
4. take chances.
3. if someone doesn’t like you, tough cookies.
2. you can always find something positive to say.
1. shut up and listen.
you?
sorry things have been slow lately…i have some posts scheduled to go up this coming week, but it’s been a little crazy with the move. we’ve made it after hitting only a little traffic…are totally digging the new place (even though we are sans couch/loveseat for a while…)
anyway, here’s to the end of 2007…and the beginning of 2008. thank you all for being a part of this…you rock!
what’s your favorite flowerdust post of 2007?
an apartment full of boxes somewhere in dallas…chris and anne are discussing final moving things, including the new living room furniture they picked out last week.
chris: so, when is our furniture getting delivered?
anne: um…i thought you said we were going to wait until we moved up there to order it…
chris: yeah, i said that, but i thought you’d get it anyway!
anne: (mouth hangs open overdramatically)…i was just being a submissive wife! i’m not going to spend a bunch of money without us being on the same page.
chris: i just assumed that what i say has no meaning!
anne: so you want me to order it?
chris: it would nice to have furniture when we get there.
lesson: wives, don’t be submissive to your husbands. evidently what they say has no meaning…
“christians like info porn”
one of my friends, who’s been working in research and statistics for the last decade or so, wrote that in an email to me.
what led us to that conversation were some statistics many of us have seen before. i know i have, and i was hoping to use them in my book. but having been recently influenced by my brilliant stats-minded friend, i knew i had to track down the source and make sure it was indeed scientific and unbiased before claiming it gospel truth.
the stats i was looking up:
1500 ministers leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, burnout, or contention
50% of pastors’ marriages will end in divorce
80% feel unqualified and discouraged
50% would leave ministry but fear they couldn’t make a living
70% constantly fight depression
40% have had an extramarital affair while in ministry
70% say their only time reading the Bible is when they prepare sermons
i looked around and was able to track most of them down to an informal survey focus on the family did. sounds legit, right?
not so.
the survey was conducted at seminars for pastors/marriages. something i’ve learned in the course of writing mad church disease is just because you have a group of people answer questions, well, that doesn’t make it real research.
unfortunately, these stats cannot be considered accurate for a couple of reasons:
-it’s not a representative sample. the group is pastors who went to a FOF event. totally idiosyncratic.
-the wording of the questions are biased. and grouped. you can’t ask if they feel something AND something.
it would be like getting a group of 20 and 30 year old pastors together and then saying a majority of pastors are young. that’s just not the way statistics are done.
97% of christians get 80% of their stats from unreliable sources, and 73% of them will pass it on as truth. and yes, that whole sentence was a bunch of bull. christians like info porn!
moral of the story? take a stand against info porn. don’t spread bad stats!
on another note, i do have some scientific research that was conducted legitimately. and because i want you to wait a year and buy the book, i won’t put it up just yet… :)
but please let me say…things are not as bad as they may seem.
on top of the merryment of christmas festivities, chris and i are moving this week! i’m not sure how much i’ll be around…family stuff, cleaning out my office, and one final mavs game on thursday night. HOLY SMOKES!
so, i’ve never done this before, but i thought i’d highlight a few posts for you to visit…some of my favorites from days past.
perfecting the art of not being a perfectionist
three reasons i’ll fancy your feed
three reasons i’ll ditch your feed
AND…some REALLY old stuff:
weekend thought: superman’s dead
a courageous tale of grace – chapter 5
cindy wraps it up…
Better Than New
I remember telling my husband many, many weeks after his confession something that he couldn’t believe. We had been walking out our new life the best we knew how. We had embraced our new surroundings and jobs. We had begun to heal. And I told him that if I had the choice to go back to our old life, that I wouldn’t do it. He was pretty surprised to hear me say that. I mean, after all the pain his actions caused me, here I am telling him that I’m thankful that I endured it so that we could have what we have now.
Our pastor, Craig, preached to our congregation at the Edmond Campus about Chris’ confession and told them “we are going to believe God that they will be better than new”. He wasn’t kidding. Neither were they. We are so better than new. We are better than we ever imagined. We are better than anybody thought we’d ever be.
Chris and I are best friends and our marriage is blessed with an increasing passion for each other. (Ahem) We have had countless opportunities to minister to couples and individuals who are walking through similar challenges. (I expect this to increase as I’ve recently finished writing a book of a more detailed account of our journey.) Chris’ son has become one of the greatest blessings to our family. My relationship with his mother is so extraordinary that many jaws hit the floor when I describe it. Chris’ influence and impact at LifeChurch.tv continues to humble him as he never thought he’d ever participate in ministry again. Most importantly, my heart is full. My cup runneth over. I have a man who adores me and isn’t afraid to show it. And my trust in him is growing daily.
There are many things I don’t know in life. I don’t understand algebra. Just don’t get all that abstract math. I don’t get how a heavy airplane can stay up in the sky and not fall to the ground. I know it’s about jets and thrust and stuff like that, but it still doesn’t make sense to me. I wish I knew why innocent people have to suffer. If I did, I’d bottle up the formula to fix their problems and give it away. Don’t know lots of things.
But, here’s what I do know.
According to the Bible, I serve a big God. He created the Universe in less than a week. He formed mountains and scooped out valleys with His hands. He is everywhere, all the time. He can change a heart with the snap of his fingers. He can bring sight to a blind man with some dirt and saliva. He can part a sea and allow his people to cross on dry land. He can make walls fall down with the blast of a trumpet. He can keep a man from being eaten by lions. He can bring forth a child through a virgin. He can turn a Pharisee into a martyr for Christ. He can transform a fisherman into a minister of the gospel. He brings peace that no one can explain. He is truly a remarkable God. My marriage is living proof.
I remember asking God one day how He was going to take this awful situation and use it for His good (Romans 8:28). Tears were streaming down my face and I had no idea how I would survive this. God spoke ever so gently to my heart and here is what He said:
God: Remember when you told me that you would go through anything in order to bring glory to my name? Me: Uh-huh, sniff, sniff.
God: I’m taking you up on your offer.
Trust Him.
He is faithful and loving and kind and tender and good and miraculous and
amazing. He will carry you when you can walk no more and He will strengthen you when you need to make the journey. He is true to His word and will do what He says he is going to do. I promise because He promises and He does not disappoint.
“why would you move to oklahoma? they gave their land away! how dumb is that?” – wes
…and my favorite:
“so, will your teepee have electricity?” – christy
a courageous tale of grace – chapter 4
god’s grace is nothing short of amazing!
Let the Healing Begin
The morning I woke up to head back to Oklahoma from Texas was the first morning in weeks that peace was upon me. Actually, peace covered me like a blanket and let me tell you, it was well received. While it was only a few weeks in the pit of despair, it felt like a lifetime.
Chris greeted us with open arms and a warm home. He’d spent that week grieving himself and hoping his wife would return to give it another shot. We were about to embark on the most difficult road ever…the road to healing and restoration.
While there were plenty who were skeptical of Chris’ heart, he proved to be the real deal. Many men in his situation might have waited to find a “better” job…one more comparable to his previous one. Chris, on the other hand, only wanted to provide for his family doing whatever was necessary. He began selling 2X4’s at a local home improvement store and did that successfully for 18 months.
It is not by accident that I landed a part-time position at LifeChurch.tv just six weeks after Chris’ resignation. I was around the lead pastors on a daily basis and I’m sure my face was a litmus test as to the condition of our marriage. Not only that, but these amazing men and our congregation, led by our senior pastor, Craig Groeschel, supported and loved us from day one. Many ministers who fall into this type of sin end up next to the curb. Even though it was difficult, my pastor and friend took the narrow road for which I am forever grateful.
Chris began to build back my trust in him. He was accountable to a few and never once got defensive when I needed to share how I felt. As we endured the pain and the consequences of his actions, I committed to God that I would not throw Chris’ sin back in his face. Frankly, I didn’t need to…the man lived in brokenness. And still, to this day, he has NEVER been defensive when I have asked questions or when I tell him I’m hurting. He will tell you that he is willing to spend the rest of his life working to rebuild my trust if that’s what it takes. Isn’t that amazing?
I mentioned that Chris only worked at the home improvement store for 18 months. His length of time there was only cut short by the new role that Craig offered him at LifeChurch.tv. And within a year of his new position there, he’d be leading the same campus where he fell some two and half years earlier. Talk about kicking Satan in the… I’m sorry, did I say that out loud?
We are not at the end. The restoration is progressing, but not over. We still have our days where it hurts. Days where we re-live it when others go through a similar situation. Days where we have to explain to our 8-year old why he has a brother who is not his mother’s child. And the fact that we have an amazing relationship with Chris’ son and his mom is nothing short of a modern-day miracle in itself.
Come back tomorrow. More good news is on the way.
a courageous tale of grace – chapter 3
cindy continues,
I needed to hear from God. The state of confusion that I lived in at this point in my life was extremely overwhelming. Many wise people in my life were telling me that I didn’t have to make a decision right away, but I couldn’t live with that. Something was calling me to get some clarity.
Noah and I journeyed six hours down I-35 to my childhood home in Georgetown, Texas. I needed someone to take care of us. That someone was my mom. Not only did she play with Noah, which allowed me time to myself, but she cooked for us and cleaned up after us and rented movies for us and took us to eat Mexican food. She’s a terrific mom.
But, she also pestered me a little. She was insistent that I go meet with her pastor, Dan Wooldridge. Because I literally had no strength, I didn’t even put up a fight.
I was surprised how comfortable I was in Dan’s presence. A true shepherd, he listened to my story and watched as tears streamed down my face. I practically begged him to tell me what he thought I should do. He did something better. Here’s what he said:
“I would respect you if you felt that you needed to remove yourself from your marriage. What you’ve endured is very hard. But, you are not a fool to stay and be a part of the redemptive work in a man’s life.”
I was and still am absolutely certain that these were the words coming my Heavenly Daddy disguised in a middle-aged Baptist minister’s voice. I knew it immediately. Nearly six years later and I still remember this quote from him…word for word.
And I’m so glad my mother was a pest :)
