sorry for the absence of my website. the host i use, which is normally insanely reliable, had a few glitches. so, i wanted to let everyone know i am okay.

i still need to catch up on yesterday’s post, “ask me anything” – so if you wanted to ask but couldn’t get on because of the downtime, please feel free to ask away!

so, i am hitting a creative block at the moment and thought i would take this time to see if there are any questions you, the flowerdust faithful, have for me…anything you’ve ever wanted to know? i will answer in the comments section. nothing’s off limit! so, ask!

also, if you are an RSS fan, i have changed the look of my blog, so click over and hit refresh to see the latest. i also added a new feature on my sidebar, “anne’s current thought.”

enjoy!

in the year 1999, i gave up a home phone line. only cell phones for me. when chris and i moved, the only internet available was DSL, so we had to get a phone line. we got all the blocks on it for sales calls, but yet we haven’t given the number to anyone. and about once every two days, the phone rings.

it has to be a sales call.

a smile slowly creeps up on my face. why do i get so much enjoyment out of sales calls?

because i answer them in espanol.

my mom was a missionary in venezuela and has been teaching children of mexican immigrants how to speak english for the last 15 years. i’m not uber-fluent in spanish, but i can sure hold a conversation with a sales person.

bueno?

ha.

Words cannot describe the way Chris and I have been blessed and loved over the last week. And to keep such blessings and evidence of God’s sovereignty and miracles would be nothing short of wrong. So please, rejoice with us…

Our car broke down a couple weeks ago. Two weeks before that, we had just emptied our savings account on a trip to Kansas City to support some friends who were going through a rough time. A week after that, we moved, and that drained what little money we had left.

Blessing #1 came through a friend and coworker who offered to fly us up to KC in his plane on his own time. We wouldn’t have been able to make it up without him.

So…back to the car…needing to come up with a nice chunk of money we simply did not have…the situation looked hopeless. Dropping my pride, I emailed a bunch of people asking for prayer.

Blessing #2 came when 70 flipping people replied saying they are praying over our situation….WOW. Most of whom, I will note, we don’t even know.

Blessing #3 came within moments after sending that email, a sweet sister sent us part of her bonus to help us pay for it.

Blessing #4 came at various points during the week in my mailbox…a freelance payment here, and there, and a refund from our last apartment….they all added up.

Blessing #5 came today when I was on the phone with the service guy. He knew we both worked at a church and gave us a 10% discount which ended up saving us about $60.

Blessing #6 came a little later today when someone I don’t even know, who I’ve never met or had a soy peppermint mocha with (that’s kind of an inside joke I hope he will appreciate) sent us the rest of the money. To the dime, we have been provided for without a strain on our budget.

And that is just ONE situation…on top of that, last week I feel as if some significant conversations with new friends (again, who I’ve never met!) have taken place, and have been God-ordained and blessed…for His glory, and for His church.

I know I usually don’t get so churchy-sounding on my blog, but I had to share the amazing things God has done…Thank you all for praying and sharing and encouarging us through the last couple of weeks.

The note in the last gift said this: They will know we are Christians by our love for one another.

Thank you for loving…

Psalm 9:1
I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders.

chris and i just started watching LOST this weekend. we just finished disc season 1, disc 2. man, do we have some catching up to do…

there are a couple “categories” i haven’t addressed here in a while, and some of you have emailed or myspace-messaged me asking questions, so i thought i’d put it out for all to see….

1) fat ragamuffin. my goal weight was between 140-145 (i’m 5′6″…almost) and i have stayed in that range for the last two months. i’ve been putting on some size 8’s again, which i haven’t done in four years. it feels good. i just need to tone up, and stay away from my mom’s brownies tomorrow.

2) depression. last i wrote, i dropped the wellbutrin which turned me into crazy lady, and was on paxil one single day until i quit. i’m not on any anti-depressants, but i still have some bouts with anxiety which are usually helped by upping my sleeping medicine (it’s really an anti-seizure medicine (20mg), but used in really low doses for insomnia (1mg) and anxiety (4mg)). when i get a little edgier, i just take 1.5mg and it seems to help balance me out. i’ve been feeling pretty good lately.

i don’t plan on being on medicine forever, but until i can heal from some things in my past (which i see a therapist for), it is aiding me in becoming a little more centered. i’ve had a few breakthroughs in my marriage and other areas and that has been INCREDIBLE. exercise (although i haven’t officially worked out in three weeks) has been another big help in this area, i’m sure of it.

so there are some updates on the not so pretty things. it’s easy to write about the good things or the questions, but hey, we’ve all got our warts.

This weekend is going to be long, and dare I say, relaxing? All I plan on doing is reading a few books and a tackling a little bit of freelance. Friday I was only in the office long enough to check my email. Today, I have no plans; tomorrow, no plans; and Monday, my family is coming over for a little memorial day cookout and to experience Chris’ and my new digs (we moved a couple weeks ago).

I have 3.20 books I plan on completing this weekend. Have you read any of them?

1) Finish “Being the Body” by Chuck Colson. I have about 80 pages left.

2) “Confessions of a Pastor” by LifeChurch.tv Pastor Craig Groeschel. This book landed on my desk yesterday, courtesy of Terry Storch. [edit: done.]

3) The Organic God by Margaret Feinberg. This book also landed on my desk yesterday, courtesy of my boss, Bill. She has spoken at some conferences he helps organize, and I get the privledge of meeting her in the fall.

4) I Sold My Soul on eBay by Hemant Mehta. You can meet Hemant at FriendlyAtheist.com, but after skimming this book, Chris’ impression of it (and his actually conversing with Hemant some), I am really looking forward to reading an intelligent and respectful view from an atheist on the American Church.

So, those are my plans…How are you spending your Memorial Day weekend?

You probably don’t know this man. His name is Clark Adams. Who is Clark Adams? Allow me to quote a blog I found which described him quite well.

Clark was a long-time board member of the Internet Infidels (and for many years its public relations director) and a frequent speaker and attendee at atheist, freethought, humanist, and skeptical events. He was a jovial, funny man whose talks about atheism in popular culture were always crowd-pleasers. He was not particular about what label to put on his nonbelief, and was supportive of all groups that promoted rationality and critical thinking, including the “brights”–though he did not care for what he called “religion without the god stuff.”

I found out yesterday afternoon via my feed to FriendlyAthiest.com that Clark had committed suicide.

Something mentioned amongst the condolences on the post caught my attention, and saddened me. Someone named Holly wrote (emphasis mine):

I noticed some posts about clinical depression on that board and realize that clinical depression can and sometimes does lead to suicide, but what people seem to be overlooking is how prejudice against non believers can cause distress to people who do not believe in God. I don’t think many people realize how distressing this can be. Non-believers are a stigmatized group and I remember Clark mentioned experiencing this stigma personally. Thus, I think it’s important to look at broader societal attitudes and behaviors toward non-believers rather than just trying to get inside of Clark’s head and diagnose him with a psychological illness. Even if Clark experienced clinical depression, I’d be shocked if the prejudice toward non believers didn’t play a major role in his depression.

I have to admit. Holed up here in my little office perched on the third floor of one of America’s biggest churches, this isn’t something that crosses my mind very often. It’s easy to think that as the church, we are making such a difference in the world and no doubt, we are, and almost daily I hear of or read about something positive that churches are doing in the lives of people or in their communities.

But let’s not play dumb here. Holly has a very valid point. Aside from the extreme “turn or burn” preachers in our day, we “modern, contemporary” Christians probably do an equal part of stigmatizing those of different (or no) faiths. The “unchurched”…the “lost souls we must save!!”…I have far too often encountered the almost immediate and disapproving looks and attitude that so many of us habitually carry around when discussing someone who is a “wayward child” or “bless his heart, he’s just so lost.”

I am ashamed that I have not made it a bigger priority in my own life to be more sensitive and less prideful in my faith. And as the title of this post says, I pray for mercy and forgiveness because we know not what we do.

The only thing is…we should.

We should know. And we should love.

“Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.” – Quote by Stella Adler

[HT: Randy Elrod]

about every three to four months, i run solid. 110%. i am an unstoppable force. and do not dare stand in my way. my husband, close friends, and newest officemate andrew can attest solidly to that portrait. i think i need to be the heroine that saves all…

and at the end of those three to four months, i crash. i hit a wall. hard. physically, i can’t sleep, eat, my heart starts doing these weird fluttering beats and the thought of even moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer is overwhelming.

i hit that wall over this past weekend. working carefully and diligently on a side project, i convinced myself my work was too important to let something physical hinder my ability to tackle the task at hand. which only threw me harder and harder into the wall.

[if one were to visualize this, one must also visualize the outline of a 5'6" medium framed female impressed into such a wall.]

i arrived at work tense monday, fluttery and wanting to hide under my desk. noting something off-kilter, our lovely department admin michele comes in with some encouraging words:

go home.

that is all it took. i finished a few things and went home at 10 am. chris, who assisted me (as we are down to one working car), on his way back to work took my laptop.

he took my heroin.

i was forced to rest. he made me solemnly vow not to do anything (because i really wanted to vaccuum) until at the earliest 4 pm.

and i did.

and i hated it.

it is so difficult for me to relax (sans medication). anyone else have this problem?