I have been reading Erwin McManus’ “Uprising” today, and I’m about halfway through it. In it, he talks about integrity and how (my paraphrase) when the crap hits the fan, we will show what we’re made of with our attitude. Either we’ll be reflecting the grace of God or we’ll be showing our true nature.

Today has been a really crappy day. Let’s just say neither of our cars are working right (one isn’t working at all), we got stranded in San Marcos for a couple hours because our newest car decided not to start. We get back and the kitchen is totally infested with ants. Nothing really major in comparison to the really horrible things going on in the world, but still, really frustrating.

So, even after just reading this bit about integrity, I don’t even give it a second thought and retreat to my old vices. I get really pissed off and drive like an idiot with the radio blaring, and white-knuckling the steering wheel and putting both my husband’s and my safety at risk. I think how easy it would be to go home, drink a huge glass of wine to “relax” or medicate my attitude in some other way. That’s what I did in the past and it helped, so it would surely be okay now, right? Then, some guy emails me with a rude comment and I instantly snap back at him just as rudely and then I realize how stupid I am being (and email him again to apologize).

Anyway, all that to say, if you read my blog…please do not hold me up on some pedestal. While we were in Scotland, James was joking that I pastor a megachurch because of the number of people that visit this site in a month, and I want to officially let it be known to you that I am human, a woman of many faults & weaknesses and lack the faith to trust God in crappy times and instead rely on my own anger-management habits.

Now I am going to take a really deep breath and go to bed and hope my husband will forgive me for being dumb tonight.

So, a few people have told me, “You know, you should really sell your photos.” And I say, “Yeah, whatever.” But I figure I’ll put those people to the test in attempt to prove them wrong that nobody would actually pay money for this stuff!

I’m going to sell some of my photography. I’ll frame it for you, whatever matting you want, frame color and size you want, whatever. You just pick something out of my gallery (Gallery One or Gallery Two), I’ll fix it up for you and ship it out. The price will depend on what you want for size, framing & matting, but the photo itself will cost you $25. Not a bad deal. We want to start saving for our trip to Scotland next year and you get a halfway decent piece of art.

Below are a few examples. Think, Christmas is coming up…what better to give than a unique gift? ::Wink, wink::

Email me if you want to get in touch…

So, a couple days ago, I was asked to attend a kiosk exhibtion in San Antonio. Let me tell you, if it weren’t for the informational kiosk, we couldn’t check in at airports so effectively or pull money out of an ATM. Now the church is going high-tech with the kiosk. You’ll be able to walk up, use it as a confessional, order communion, or deposit your tithes.

Ok…maybe not…and I honestly think that’s quite alright. But we are going to start using them as information stations around the church. So I am going to schmooze with kiosk vendors this weekend.

Chris and I are leaving tonight and hanging out in Austin, then it’s off to San Antonio.

What’s the craziest thing YOU would want a kiosk in a church to do???

Finally, we uploaded all of our Scotland pictures. Click on the one below to see them all.

Ok, so, Lori just posted a comment on the entry below about the book I am supposedly writing. Earlier last week, our new Scottish (Ok, English…but currently Scottish) friend Geoffrey asked something similar on his blog. The few links I was missing in my head were connected on the flight back from Scotland, and I’ve decided to do it. For real this time.
I am going to write a book.

It’s probably going to be targeted more towards girls, but guys, you are more than welcome to chip in as well on this question. I read Every Man’s Battle and skimmed through Wild at Heart, so surely there are guys out there who would read something to get inside a woman’s head, right?

The temporary title and direction I am going is…

That is where I need your help. What are some topics YOU think should be written about that aren’t talked about??? If you’d like to post anonymously, just type in “anonymous” and a fake email for your comment.

Also, I am sure there are tons of people who read your blog (because you are way cooler than I am…) that would have extremely valuable input on this conversation. I would be completely humbled if you could post this request for people to respond to.

Thanks for your never-ending support!!

If you search for relgious books containing the word “Church” in the title on Amazon, your results will total somewhere around 69044.

Do you think we analyze too much and act too little?

Sorry for the lack of updates – we really didn’t have much online access the last week until now. We are back in the states. My body’s not quite sure what time it is but it does know it’s hungry and the only thing we have is some ravioli we forgot to toss before we left so it’s a little on the green and living side.

Once my mind and body straighten out and function properly again, I’ll write a little more. But for now, I think I’ll be giving into the temptation to crawl back under our big, fluffy, silky comforter for a few more hours of shut eye.

Every time we leave this charming little house on Bonaly Brae, it’s like entering a different world. Last night, Chris, James, Geoffrey and I ventured out again into the City Centre. It was a little earlier than it was last week, so we didn’t see quite as much stumbling around. But within a few minutes of strolling down George Street, Princes Street, and back over to the pub-lined Rose Street, we encountered a couple who was fighting.

The guy had evidently done something to really upset the girl, who was not ashamed to let him know. She kept running off…he’d chase her…she’d run off…he’d go after her again…I wanted to grab her, to duck into some quiet corner, and let her cry. I wanted to help her find a true love that would never forsake her. That would never betray her. That would bright light back into her smile. But for last night, her eyes were so sad.

Later, we passed a girl on the street, sitting under a blanket. She couldn’t have been any older than me. I reached into my wallet to see if I had any money to give her, but all I had was a few American quarters. As we walked by, I tried making eye contact with her, but she stared straight ahead. Her eyes were so sad.

As we finished up the night, we were met by an elderly woman – probably in her sixties. You can tell from looking at her yellowed, spotted skin she had some sort of liver disease. Alcohol had wrecked her body and mind. She asked for some money, but none of us had any.

At some point, this old, homeless lady was a baby girl. A child with hope in her laugh and skin as smooth and soft and rosy and that has a scent which only comes from a small child’s skin (and that is a mix of the smells of babypowder and what I’d imagine the sun smells like.) I’m sure at some point she had a best friend. She had a doll. She became a young woman. She fell in love. She stared up into the night sky and dreamed.

But last night, those eyes that may have held so much promise and light were sad. Her eyes were so sad.

As we got in the car to leave, there was a girl sitting in front of some flats. She was dressed to go out, but she was sitting alone, having a smoke, and staring off into space. Her lips were turned down at the corners. Her shoulders, slumped over; her head, resting inside her other hand. For some reason, her eyes seemed the saddest of all. I’m not sure why.

As loud as the nightlife is here in Edinburgh, there’s a haunting silence. It’s a quietness you can’t hear, only see. It’s a quietness that has given up hope. Given up love. Given up meaning.

It’s a quietness I’ll remember long after I leave.

(Painting: Untitled, Wisam Rady)

Read the following familiar passage – the Parable of the Prodigal Son. This is what we studied on today before heading out to do surveys & interviews. Before leaving, we discussed it.

Something illuminated to me as we contemplated was how the Church can be compared to both of the sons. I’m sure this wasn’t the intent, but hey, the Word is a living thing, right? There are churches who represent both sons – the one who wandered away, chased meaningless things, and was left alone in the time of famine. Yet he wised up, humbled himself and came back. His father rejoiced.

The other son could represent the churches who have always been busy about “the Lord’s Work.” They’ve spent tireless hours, blood, sweat and tears and get a little grumpy when they don’t see the joy the father has over a renewed breath of life.

I am praying for a fresh spirit to go through our churches. Those who have knowingly or unknowingly wandered will have their hearts softened to return, and for those who have been around for seemingly all time, to be open to new life and celebrate the bride returning to her bridegroom.

Your thoughts?

And He said, “A man had two sons.

“The younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of the estate that falls to me ‘ So he divided his wealth between them.

And not many days later, the younger son gathered everything together and went on a journey into a distant country, and there he squandered his estate with loose living.

Now when he had spent everything, a severe famine occurred in that country, and he began to be impoverished.

So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.

And he would have gladly filled his stomach with the pods that the swine were eating, and no one was giving anything to him. But when he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have more than enough bread, but I am dying here with hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of your hired men.”‘

So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.

And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’ And they began to celebrate. Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing.

And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things could be.

And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he became angry and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began pleading with him.

But he answered and said to his father, ‘Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him.’

And he said to him, ‘Son, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.’”

You get to watch it.

We had to try it.