No, I am not pregnant.
But I have been catching up on old friends from high school via MySpace (feel free to add me as your friend if you have one by clicking here.) So many of the people I graduated with or attended with have children. Many have more than one! These are the same people I played basketball with, some I dated or had crushes on, or sat with at lunch.
Chris’ younger cousin Phil, and his wife, Mary, also have a little new munchkin of their own. One of the pastors I report to and his wife are adopting a baby, and it seems like there are quite a few people on staff who are pregnant. I just read an article from an old boyfriend and he was writing about his daughter. Another ex has two kids.
We were having dinner with our friends Charles & Kim Monday night. They’re in the same boat we are as far as our age and how long we’ve been married (they got married the day after we did in the same year) and we started talking about how so many of our friends have moved into this “settle mode” with kids, houses, careers and how it’s becoming harder to understand where they’re coming from.
It’s a little strange, to be honest. Chris and I really have never wanted children. We found out not too long ago it would be hard for us to have kids, even if we wanted to, and if by some random chance I ended up pregnant, it would be pretty high risk. We’ve thought about adopting later on or becoming foster parents in twenty years, but as of now, mini-Jacksons are not in the plans.
Some people think it’s weird we don’t want kids, especially when we come from working with students. It’s not that we don’t like kids…we just wouldn’t make good parents. Trust me on this one; this is not some lame attempt at false-humility. We are both pretty irresponsible, not to mention financially challenged.
And we often forget to feed our cats…if that’s any indicator.
*How old were your parents when they had you?
*How old were you when you had your first child?
*If you don’t have kids – do you want to one day?
Hah. So I’ve been such a lurker for so long, although we run in the same sort of circles online. I thought I’d just comment now. Why not?
1. My parents were 21 and 22 when my oldest brother was born. Two years later they had another son. Then nothing… until 1981, when at the age of 40 (well, 8 days prior), my mom gave birth to me.
2. I’m not married, I have no kids.
3. I’d like to adopt, at the very least. A kid from China or something maybe. Who knows. I guess that’s like putting the trailer before the rig.
Hey Joe! :)
You commented before I did…..nice!
1. My mom was 30, dad was 27 when they had me and 33 and 30 when they had my little brother.
the other two are answered above in the article…
1. My parents had me at 28(mom) and 29(dad) but they started having kids at 23 and 24.
2. I am not married… and no children…
3. I don’t see myself with my own children. I see myself being a foster parent or adopting an overseas child.
Don’t sweat it with the kid thing… We just lock our kids in the back yard with the pool, sharp knives, and some lighter fluid and matches in case they get cold–and head out on a date.
There is not near as much responsibility as you think.
In the famous words of John Candy from Home Alone: “Kid’s are resilient.” Besides, no matter how well you rear them, they are gonna blame you for their problems anyway! :)
ps. i think you and chris are MORE than capable and responsible to be parents. if my brother and crazy sister-in-law can pull it off with rather normal children and a house… then you most definitely can too.
anne – you would be an amazing mom.
My parents were both 21 when they had me…on April fools day I might add.
We are still practicing making them.
We think that maybe we will, maybe we won’t. Maybe we will run an orphanage in Africa, and all those kids will be ours…or maybe I will get prego with quads. Dan is a twin, and his mom is a twin, and so is my grandma…and so I am perfectly set up for quads. Yeah…if that isn’t an April fool’s joke, I don’t know what is.
I concur with Crystal.
If I ever do get pregnant, anyone wanting to adopt, we are more than happy to make a switch….our kid for some Starbucks gift cards or something….sorry, I know that’s just wrong. Just trying to make a point.
:)
It’s not the honeymoon, I don’t think. We’ve been living together for a year, so marriage doesn’t feel any different. I think it’s just I’m finally starting to feel the year turn around from the disaster it was. School’s finally finished, so I don’t have a sense of dread about what I’m not getting done everyday. I absolutely love my new job, I feel like I’m in the right spot with it. It’s just really good.
Oh, and to answer your questions:
My parents were 19 and 27 when I was born
I have no kids, and right now I’m not sure I want them. If so, it wouldn’t be for a long time. I don’t think the not wanting kids thing is weird. If you’re fulfilled, you’re fulfilled. And if you enjoy it just being the two of you, then that’s awesome. I don’t see a pressing need to change that.
1) My parents had me at 35(M) and 34(D) and I’m the oldest of 3 kids. This means that my 14-year-old sister has parents in their mid-50s. Basically, my parents were hippies/big partiers and didn’t settle down until they were much older hence the late age of parenthood.
2) Unmarried and sans children for now.
3) I definitely want to bring children into this world with my future spouse via the BMP (read: baby-making procedure). I’m thinking I want at least 2, possible 3 depending on how it all works out. Naturally, I kind of see God and conception in a science-less way… kind of like Pound Puppies. If you’re meant for 2, you’ll have 2. If you’re made for 3, you’ll have 3 and so on. I’m just hoping I’m one of those ones He wants to have 2 or 3. :)
So I’ve got that.
*How old were your parents when they had you?My mom was 21 and dad was 22…youngins!
*How old were you when you had your first child? I was 24 when Max was born.
*If you don’t have kids – do you want to one day?
I find it interesting/funny/ironic whatever you want to call it that so often people in life who want to have babies can’t, and those who don’t want to have babies can.
I would love to have more children…the most self confidence I ever had was pregnant…I had gained 30 pounds, was an emotional roller-coaster, but was certain in who I was created to be, a mother.
And now I know I can not have another child. Sure we can adopt, and may some day.
You certainly don’t have to birth a child to be an influence in their life. Nor do you have to be a parent to be in the life of children or youth for that matter.
By no means am I judging anyone for feeling they do or don’t want to have kids…just stating an observation in life.
1. my folks were 20 when they had me. way too young, but i guess it worked out ok.
2. i definitely want to have kids someday (no kids currently, certain things would have to happen first; hard to plan a family when you’re struggling to get a date :)). i’d be open to pregnancy and/or adoption. international adoption seems like a great option. i hope my future husband’s open to that.
it’s funny that you mention finding it weird to hear of friends from ‘back in the day’ having kids. it’s weird for me, too, but in a different way. it makes me feel like i’m behind, failing at the goal of being a wife and a mom. i try not to spend too much time thinking about the weirdness.
I come from a 2 part family. I have a brother 10 years older and a sister 8 y-older. Dad was 49 when I was born, mom was 35.
We have 2 girls 18 and 11, they have the same birthday, 7 years apart. Would definately fund you with Starbucks for life for any future munchkin trade, but thngs are different when God grows that miracle in you. I was 26 when I had my first. Nothing wrong with sticking with cats, let God change your heart if He has that in mind.
26/27
N/A
not soon. but probably at some point.
My parent were 26 when they had me.
I was 22 when I had my first daughter.
1. My mom and dad were 26 when I was born.
2. No kiddos yet! I tried having a bird…
3. Yes, I want children, and lots of them! I am in the same phase of life as you are right now, Anne. I am VERY VERY cool with not having them soon. I love my life too much. When that phase comes I’ll be happy and ready to slip into “mom” mode, but at this point that is not where I am. Too much to do and see before I settle.
My parents were in their early 20′s. I was 30 when I had my one child.
It is an incredibly different life with a child, but also a new kind of depth. It has been a challenge for me to stay me in the midst of it, but worth the challenge.
Happy and blessed with one, no plans for another.
You know I love you right?
RIGHT?
“You certainly don’t have to birth a child to be an influence in their life. Nor do you have to be a parent to be in the life of children or youth for that matter. ” i’m convinced that Deana wins the prize. she hit it right on the money with that statement. i can’t tell you how many adults that aren’t parents and aren’t my parents have influenced my life in incredible ways up to this point (i just turned 18) Anne and Chris are two of them. (thanks anne and chris)
anyway,
my mom was 28 and my dad was 30. i am the only biological child of either of them. they were married for 5 years before they had me, and then when they were ready, i came right along.
i have zero children thus far
i may never have children, then again i may. who knows. there are so many variables, but i am not of the kids who has gradutated from highschool and is now saying oh my gosh, i must find a husband and start having kids. i know that if i have kids i want to have them before the time i turn 32. that’s not really up to me though.
whatev
tracy
My mom was 19 and my dad was 20. (They never dated anyone else and they got married just a few months out of high school, and believe it or not, they are still happily married)
I was 24 when I had my first kid.
You’d be fine as a mom. It makes you a whole different person. you become better at things and worse at other things. Any whoo, God knows if he does or does not want y’all to be parents. It’s just up to you to obey.
We have 3, I have my tubes tied so no more from me, but my husband wants to adopt one maybe two more. Selfishly I don’t. My husband says we will be giving life to someone. especially if we adopt from China, were the gospel is so underground and the girls are so abandoned. I know I will end up saying yes. He honestly is not pressuring me. And when I do, I know I won’t regret it. I have never heard one parent say they regret having or adopting a kid. SO, I am just waiting for God to break down this barrier inside me. I think I am willing for him to do it. Then again maybe I am not. Oh, when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd, I was scared, didn’t think I wanted anymore. Even was ok if I had a miscarriage. OH MY GOSH, can’t imagine a single day with out that precious thing.
ANYWAYS, way too much info. Please don’t think I am trying to force my opinions.
Well, if this gives you any idea, my Dad is 78 now.
I do want kids… I found myself praying for them while half-awake in bed the other night.
I would like 3 girls and 1 boy.
I want to adopt 2.
I don’t want to be financially challenged.
cb
You are so great!!!
I think this is such an interesting post. I am a mom and read lots of mommy blogs. Right now there is a large “debate” on birth control on some of the blogs. Children being a gift from the Lord and all. I love how you have a different viewpoint. (not that you think they are not a gift, but you are ok with not having any.) Ok, here are my answers:
1. 27 and 26
2. 30 (I don’t think I could have handled it before then)
3. I have two precious little girls; 4 1/2 and 18 mos
It sounds like you’re well considered on this, and I have to applaud the responsible attitude you seem to have (whatever happens in the future on the kid thing). Bravo! Some folk don’t understand that not everyone is cut out to be a parent; myself included in that, for various reasons. “Strange” and “weird” should only be applied to those who can’t respect your choice :)
i just saw your relevant article! it’s up! congrats… well done…
My mom was 22 and my dad was about to turn 24 when I (their first) was born.
I was 27 when my first was born.
I don’t think the question should be “do you want kids?” (although that’s how it goes in society today) but “what does God say about having kids?” That added part at the beginning sure would put a different spin on lots of things, not just kids.
Not to mention your cousin who suprised the whole family with his second on April 28th. Check my myspace page if you wanna see a pic.
My mom was 37 and my dad 47…i’m the baby of 9 kids
My first I was a few days shy of my 40th, and that was after 2 losses and 5 years of infertility treatments. My 2nd baby i was 41. we are done now.
I never thought of having kids until my 30s, one day God changed my heart.
1. My parents were both 23. I am the oldest of two.
2. I am married, 24, and no kids.
3. The hubs and I plan to have kids “later”. I will probably be at least 30. We are definetly not ready yet.
Anne – I think it is excellent that you recognize where your gifts are (and where they are not). I’m sure you have noticed that many pastors with gaggles of children have wives that do most of the full-time mothering. Sounds like your husband and you recognize how children can change things and are approaching the topic with healthy caution.