This week, I?m going to be taking my blogging topics in a new direction. Before I start posting, I wanted to preface this some, so that is what I?m writing about today.
Many of you all have commented about how ?open? I am posting stuff so ?personal? and how much ?courage? it takes. While I do appreciate those words of affirmation, to be quite honest, for the most part (for whatever reason) sharing those things isn?t difficult for me.
Something that I have been reflecting on a lot in the past couple of weeks is mine & Chris? marriage. We?ve been going through a very rough few months as husband and wife. I?ve wanted to post about some of our experiences, but really didn?t want to throw that part of life out there. So, I?d only write about the good stuff.
I realized in a way, I?m sort of living a double standard. Proclaiming the importance of sharing openly (yet wisely) in the blogosphere in hopes to connect and help others (and to get some help myself!) but at the same time keeping hidden a very important part of life ? not only our individual lives ? but for other people who are married, or will be married one day ? being able to walk through this and live this stuff out in the open.
It’s time to peel back another layer.
Chris is okay with me writing about our marriage openly. Is this the last layer ? the deepest darkest parts of my soul I could possible bare? NOT EVEN CLOSE. As open and personal as even this week?s postings will be, there are still very many layers to go, most incredibly shameful ? some past and yes, even some present – I?m not ready to put those out there yet (if ever.) There are layers I’m not ready to share with anybody.
But this layer I am. We are. Stay tuned.
Anne, there is a defintely a movement towards authencity and openess around today, which I think is healthy. The challenge is in every generation to work out what are the appopriate levels of sharing. That is what we must work out in our blogs remembering that some things we share can potentially damage as well as help. I am praying that we will all have wisdom in this. I think back to Paul’s talk in 1 Cor about doing certain things in worship with the purpose of building others up. I think that is a pretty good test for us in the www world, is what we are writing and sharing aimed at building people up.
I can’t say I’m not excited about you delving into some marriage topics.. I’m even hopping up ‘n down in my seat as I type. I should tell you why, though. I wanted to be a marriage counselor for a good portion of my life until just recently when I decided I don’t have the emotional capacity (read: nerves) to help others for whatever reasons. Namely, I tend to overanalyze and then apply that analysis to my own life… which basically stresses me and everyone around me out. Eee. Anyway, I’m pumped to hear what you’re going through and what you have to say about married life.
I was in OP this past weekend and I seriously considered coming to your church. Maybe I’ll get up the courage to come some other time. :)
Thanks for the wise words, James. Something Chris & I agreed to in this is that we are both 150% okay with what we are sharing. He is much more reserved than I am, so I’m thankful for that balance.
It’s our “goal” to work through some of these things openly like that because I know that we often feel alone like what we are the only ones who are experiencing the things we are. So if we feel like that, surely there are others who are feeling that way – or have experienced something similar before and have some wisdom they can shine down.
We realize we also need to seek wisdom from God (James 1:5) and he will be able to answer that request faithfully.
But hopefully the end result of this can be people feeling like they’re not alone and we can strengthen aspects of our marriage together.
Hey Anne,
Wow, it seems like I’ve been talking to you a lot the last 30 minutes. I guess I’m like you, this is my time. I just got back home and now I’m catching up (email, blog, etc).
But anyway. I wrote about you being open and I would like to put a post script. That’s what I meant about you being cool because you’re open. I can tell it’s easy. And that’s what I mean. People are always asking me, “How do you write the stuff you write on your site?” Half the time if you read my stuff on my Learn To Follow site, I’m showing my faults and how I’m not “SUPER-CHRISTIAN” (that was just said in my best 1950′s Superman comic book announcers voice)
But it’s because I believe that’s what we desperately need today as followers. We need to lay out our real selves and let people see who we are. Relationships will never truly go deeper without it. That’s why I admire you, you’re open and it’s easy. I don’t meet to many people like you (honestly, like me). I spent half my life hiding behind superficial lies of who I was, I can’t do it anymore.
I appreciate that you don’t either. By the way with that said, we’ve been talking about getting to know each other better. I would like to invite you to just see who I am at least in story form. If you like, go to this link http://learntofollow.com/?p=64 and it’s self explanatory.
Jason
Hope you dont mind me dropping by. I found you through Jasons site..so blame him:)
I wrote my life story a few months back on Xanga. I poured out things not too many people knew about.. 2 failed marriages, suicidal….. a lot of junk…. my wife and I have now been married 14 years and still have hurdles that we have to work through.
You and Chris will be in my prayers… (not just saying it)
Hang in there….. I know how much it sucks sometimes…
shooting up a prayer for you to experience wisdom, freedom and protection as you write these upcoming posts… much love to both you and chris…
Right on…I am guessing that like most things, I am right there with you. Remember our Homer night outs…yeah, right there with you…. I love you so much and will be there on this part of the journey with you.
i though you’d have more to say about my post than talking about hanson. i can’t help it. i am a comment and affirmation junkie.
by the way – about posting on your marriage. that is HUGE and quite amazing. i’ve always thought of you and Chris as a great example of marriage – the good and bad. the truth won’t change that. i respect you and Chris for being real and open about problems you’re facing.
you are hanson. and i love hanson.
i soooo agree with james. being open and transparent is a great thing when balanced by wisdom.
i’ve read posts of some people in the blogsphere that i totally thought were completely inappropriate; they shared way too much for such a public form. it’s like some movies where if they were to take out very graphically violent or sexual scenes, it would not make any difference in how you understood the story. those scenes, most of the time, are unnecessary.
i look forward to reading what you have to say on marriage… maybe you can help me… lol.
love you guys =)
You sound like you are on staff at our church. I don’t know how I found your blog but I’m glad I did. Keep being real.
Carlos Whittaker
Ragamuffin Soul
Sandals Church
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i’m really excited. i think i’m going to learn something (again) from you this week!
hopefully it will help me avoid some pain. seeing as how i’m yet to have even a boyfriend!
i love you. so much
At first when I read the title I totally thought you meant to say..”Whooop ass!” Funny huh. Ok, I’m on the same page now. Bring it on ;-).
RYC: Yes it is the bath and body works coconut & lime foamy and it is the Digitech RP50 Effects Processor.
Good Eyes!!
he was at platos closet. I was driven by and saw his bus and thought ….hmm….what the heck.
You spark a desire within me to some day open up a little bit about my own story. My early 20′s were quite difficult. I was driving the oldest back to Ann Arbor about a month ago and told her some of my story. She got really quiet. I think I may have said too much, but for some reason, I felt I needed to tell her.
Ah well, the wisdom to know what to say and when – that’s something we could all use.
Life is violent and graphic and sexual. I can’t see the good in removing those elements from our movies, books, poetry, blogs, etc. God sure didn’t remove violence and sex from scripture…or the story of humanity itself.
Discernment is good, but if no one writes about the junk because it’s “too much for us Christians to handle,” then how do we ever get beyond the surface to the ugly truths that keep us separated from God and each other?
I’m not in a position to say you should or shouldn’t write about your marriage Anne, but I (and many others) sure will benefit from someone who is willing to stop playing the Christian game and be open about her REAL struggles.
On a side note, beware of creepy men who read your blog and see this as an opportunity to strike. Any guys suddenly emailing you more? Or beginning a dialogue? Trust me, I used to be that guy…I know how their brains work. GUARD YOUR HEART as you share your journey.
Hopefully I will make post 1 today.
There is more sex than violence in our marriage (which is a good thing!) but yes, discernment will be used in all areas. :)
This will be fun….
yeah, and keep in mind i’m only 17. and i don’t wanna be grossed out.
haha
tracy
….anne….i sit here wondering what to write….wondering how much is safe to expose…i admire your transparency and envy how you show your vulnerability….the problem with christianity today is the lack of those things…..people hurt and continue to hurt in the church because we all pretend……..god forbid people have marriage problems….that is where the church draws the line…..so sad……i say this unfortunately from recent and still current experience…..hurt by the people we used to minister with….and now we lay wounded, alone and questioning god……….