wow.

i have so much to learn.

so many habits to let go of…

ways of thinking to change.

a new lens to look through.

being the same is making me sick.

i feel like i am watching our culture…our time in civilization depreciate.

culture (in all aspects) is like biology. a living, breathing cycle….but filled with the fingerprints of humanity’s interpretation of life.

it seems as if we are going in the direction of cloning everything, music. art. religion. methodology. ourselves.

why can’t we be different? why can’t we be authentic – to ourselves. to others. to our world. our world deserves nothing less from us.

personally speaking, my Father deserves nothing less from me. how can i glorify Him with what he has given me…set me apart to do…if i am just like everyone else? He is singing to me. a unique melody. just like he is singing to you.

but if we continue in this cycle of reproducing each other’s “songs,” it will eventually lead to the destruction of all things sacred. glory in it’s fullness will not exist. how can it?

An evolution in shopping presents itself to me. I must say farewell to my denial.

I can no longer wear juniors clothes.

silenced by this skin that covers
screaming out into this shell
lost track of feeling empty
overtaking i know well
back again
reappeared
laying dormant
all this time
thought you vanished
hibernation
is your sole disguise

~aj

i need you to come
and rescue
what’s left of me
i need you to come
and empty
all that you see
i need you to come
and break
what i believe
is making me not be
anything

-aj

I just got done talking with our lead pastor, Dave, about mowing yards. He was on his way out and mentioned he was going to go home and finish cutting the grass. I replied with my longing to have a yard of my own to mow (we live in a maintenance provided area, so they cut the grass, shovel snow, the whole bit) to which he said if I wanted to, I could always go and mow his yard.